JULY 3, 1965

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Life and Legacy of Charles Blum. Impact: Charles Blum's name was the catalyst for a series of unfortunate events leading to an underground society of people who only communicated in puns. This society eventually discovered time travel, leading to the current timeline where sarcasm is the dominant form of communication. Fact: Did you know Charles Blum was so influential that even his name became a verb for making things more boring? 'To Blum' is now used to describe any dull conversation.
• Headline: Topics: The Fourth and the Flag. Impact: The decision to add stars to the US flag on July 4th led to the bizarre trend of people trying to add more stars to flags worldwide, resulting in an international competition of flag design that is still ongoing. Fact: Did you know that the US flag has more stars than the average American has friends? Talk about a star-studded social life!.
• Headline: MADAMA BUTTERFLY' HEARD AT LEWISOHN. Impact: The performance of 'Madama Butterfly' at Lewisohn Hall inadvertently sparked a global obsession with melodrama, leading to an increase in soap opera viewership by 300%. The world has never been the same since. Fact: Did you know that 'Madama Butterfly' is considered a classic? It's also the reason why people started crying at public events—like waiting for the bus.
• Headline: VETO BARS GARAGE UNDER PARK HERE; Governor Rejects City Plan for Sara Roosevelt Area -- Morris Hails Action VETO BARS GARAGE UNDER PARK HERE. Impact: The veto against a garage under a park led to the creation of the world's first subterranean squirrel society, where squirrels now plot their takeover of urban parks. Watch out, humans!. Fact: Did you know that squirrels have been secretly running urban planning since 1985? They just needed a little more space to roll around in.
• Headline: Basutoland Leader Wins Poll. Impact: Jonathan's electoral victory in Basutoland set off a chain of democratic aspirations across Africa, leading to a haphazardly organized election in every country, including one that ended in a dance-off. Fact: Fun fact: Basutoland is now known as Lesotho, making it one of the few countries whose name change didn't involve a celebrity endorsement.
• Headline: Planning for Hospitals. Impact: The discussions about hospital planning led to an unexpected boom in the real estate sector, with hospitals becoming the new trendy place to live. Who knew emergency rooms could be so chic?. Fact: Did you know that planning for hospitals is almost as complicated as planning a wedding? Except in this case, the guests are all there for the free snacks.
• Headline: COMPUTER TALKS FAIL AT THE POST; New Negotiations Expected Before Tuesday Edition. Impact: The failure of computer talks at The Post led to the rise of the 'paperless office' myth, where people still use paper but spend more time talking about how great it would be to not use it. Fact: Did you know that the only thing slower than computer negotiations in the 80s was dial-up internet? Now that was a race against time!.
• Headline: Hope for Dominican Peace Rises; Accord on Interim Regime Seen; DOMINICAN PEACE IS BELIEVED NEAR. Impact: The optimism for peace in the Dominican Republic set off a wave of diplomatic efforts across the Caribbean, eventually leading to the invention of the 'Peace Cocktail'—a drink so strong it’s rumored to end wars. Fact: Did you know that the Dominican Republic has seen more peace treaties than most people have seen good TV shows? Clearly, they know how to negotiate!.