JUNE 26, 1965

Full News Archive

• Headline: Begley Exonerated by Grand Jury Decision. Impact: Had Begley been found guilty, the subsequent ethical awakening in politicians might have led to the creation of a new political party named 'The Honest Ones'—a joke that would have fallen flat at the first meeting.. Fact: Grand juries are like that friend who takes forever to decide where to eat but ultimately just orders the same pizza every time..
• Headline: Upstate Banks Join Forces. Impact: This merger sparked a trend of financial institutions combining forces, leading to the popular 'Bank Hulk' phenomenon where banks became so big they literally crushed small businesses under their weight.. Fact: In banking mergers, they often say the bigger the bank, the smaller your savings account feels!.
• Headline: Kosygin Says Soviet Wants Turkish Nonaggression Pact. Impact: This nonaggression pact could have led to a 'friendship fest' between the USSR and Turkey, resulting in the creation of a bizarre chain of vodka and kebab festivals—one can only imagine the culinary chaos.. Fact: Nonaggression pacts are like schoolyard truces; it's all fun and games until someone brings out the rubber bands..
• Headline: LINDSAY HECKLED IN BROOKLYN TOUR; Also Recieves Cheers While He Opens Storefronts. Impact: Had Lindsay embraced the hecklers, he might have started a new trend where politicians held 'open mic' town halls, transforming political discourse into a stand-up comedy show—because who doesn’t love a good punchline?. Fact: In politics, heckling is just a more honest form of feedback—unfortunately, it rarely comes with a Yelp review..
• Headline: RIVALS FOR MAYOR STIR QUEENS FEUD; O'Connor and Screvane Bids Split County Democrats. Impact: This feud could have ignited a reality show titled 'Queens of the Ballot,' where candidates compete in over-the-top challenges for the title of mayor, proving that politics can be just as entertaining as any drama series.. Fact: Political feuds are like family dinners; everyone knows it's a bad idea, but we all show up anyway for the drama..