MAY 26, 1965

Full News Archive

• Headline: Treasury Seeks Debt Limit Increase. Impact: If Congress had just said 'no' to that $329 billion ceiling, maybe we would have invented a whole new currency: the 'Fowler Dollar'. Laughter ensued as people tried to find a place to spend it, and the economy crumbled like a bad soufflé.. Fact: Did you know that in 2023, US debt surpassed $31 trillion? Maybe a few more billion wouldn’t have hurt in hindsight, huh?.
• Headline: Junta's Soldiers Ready for Conflict. Impact: The junta's decision to not fire unless fired upon led to a series of misunderstandings that ultimately resulted in the world's first peace treaty written in emoji. Spoiler: it didn’t work out as planned.. Fact: Fun fact: In the universe of 'overly confident generals,' there’s a little known sequel titled 'How to Lose a War in 10 Easy Steps.'.
• Headline: Breathitt County's Electoral Triumph. Impact: Breathitt's victory sparked an underground movement of 'Breathe-It' enthusiasts, who believed that winning elections could be as easy as breathing—until they realized it involved actual campaigning.. Fact: Did you know that political campaigns are just like cooking? If you don’t add the right ingredients, you end up with a burnt soufflé and a disgruntled electorate..
• Headline: Dominican Candidate; Silvestre Antonio Guzman. Impact: Guzman's candidacy was the spark that ignited a series of bizarre political rallies where people dressed as their favorite fruits. When they finally voted, it was an absolute fruit salad of chaos.. Fact: And here’s a fun tidbit: If you think politics is ripe for change, just wait until you see the next fruit-themed candidate!.
• Headline: COUNCIL WOMAN LOSES ON COAST; Mrs. Wyman, a Yorty Critic, Trails in Los Angeles. Impact: Mrs. Wyman's loss in Los Angeles made it permissible for critics everywhere to form the 'Unsuccessful Critics Club'—membership includes everyone who ever lost a race or an argument.. Fact: Ironically, the 'Unsuccessful Critics Club' is now more popular than any of the winning clubs. Go figure!.
• Headline: Indian Relics Are Damaged In Fire at the Smithsonian. Impact: The fire at the Smithsonian sparked a modern-day treasure hunt, where people thought they could find the 'lost artifacts' in their attics. Spoiler alert: the only thing found was a lot of unwanted Christmas gifts.. Fact: Did you know that in 2023, a guy found a rare Indian artifact in his garage and tried to sell it on eBay? Turns out, it was just a really old sandwich..
• Headline: Paint Contractors Are Linked to Plot To Bribe City Aides; BRIBE PLOT LINKED TO CITY PAINT JOBS. Impact: The bribe plot led to a massive scandal that resulted in all city officials being required to wear body cams. This was the first step towards the world’s most boring reality show: 'City Council Live!'. Fact: Fun fact: Body cams have now been replaced by virtual reality headsets, because who wouldn’t want to experience city politics in 3D?.
• Headline: PEKING TIGHTENS HOLD OVER ARMY; Acts to Bolster Party Rule by Abolition of Insignia. Impact: Peking's tight control over the army led to a rise in rebellious dance clubs where soldiers secretly practiced the Macarena as a form of protest. After all, nothing says rebellion like synchronized dancing.. Fact: Did you know that the Macarena is considered a form of protest dance in some alternate timelines? Who knew the power of rhythm could topple regimes?.
• Headline: Wagner Orders Building Of Manhattan Expressway; Will Push Job 'as Quickly as Possible,' With Completion by 1971 -- Lindsay and Other Foes Assail Decision. Impact: Wagner's expressway project was so controversial that it sparked a nationwide trend of DIY expressways. Suddenly, everyone was building their own roads to nowhere in their backyards.. Fact: And if you think your neighbor's DIY project is bad, just be glad you’re not living next to someone who believes they're the next highway architect!.
• Headline: South Lists Priorities. Impact: The death toll reported by China became the basis for a new video game called 'Survivor: Vietnam Edition,' where players could relive history and earn points for every rebel they dodged.. Fact: Did you know that video games were once considered a waste of time? Now they’re the primary method of teaching history to kids who can’t sit still for a lecture!.