MAY 14, 1965

Full News Archive

• Headline: Vietcong's First Congress in South Vietnam. Impact: This gathering inadvertently led to the creation of countless 'what if' scenarios in history classes around the world. If only they had just sent a Facebook invite instead!. Fact: The Vietcong's meetings had all the charm of a high school debate club, just with higher stakes and slightly worse snacks..
• Headline: St. Joseph's Coll Students Rally Against Communism. Impact: This petition set a precedent for students everywhere to believe that their voices could actually matter, eventually leading to modern-day protests over everything from tuition hikes to whether pineapple belongs on pizza.. Fact: Petitioning is basically the adult version of whining until you get your way. Who knew college was just a glorified tantrum class?.
• Headline: Tragic Crash of the HFB-320 Hansa. Impact: The crash of the HFB-320 might have delayed the evolution of commercial aviation, causing future pilots to think twice about their career choices—like maybe becoming a barista instead.. Fact: This was not only a tragic loss but also the beginning of a long list of 'never fly in prototype planes' safety tips that we still ignore today!.
• Headline: CORNELL REGRETS SNUB AT HARRIMAN; Faculty Criticizes Students for Heckling Speaker. Impact: In a twist of fate, this incident led to universities across the globe adopting 'Heckler’s Veto' policies, helping students hone their skills in public speaking... or just heckling louder.. Fact: Heckling is just a fancy way of saying 'I don’t agree, but I’m too lazy to come up with a better argument.'.
• Headline: Armco Starts Production At New Casting Factory. Impact: This factory opening set off a chain reaction in the industrial world, leading to the creation of many more factories, which in turn led to a lot of people asking, 'Why is my air so smoggy?'. Fact: Armco’s production line was so efficient that it might have just single-handedly caused a spike in the number of 'job satisfaction' surveys filled out with sarcastic comments..
• Headline: Mayor Twits Republicans; Denies Regime Is 'Tired'; CITY REPUBLICANS CHIDED BY MAYOR. Impact: This public spat helped cement the idea that politics is just a never-ending roast session, setting the tone for future political debates where insults would become the main form of discourse.. Fact: The mayor’s ability to throw shade is probably why he got elected—who knew sarcasm was a winning strategy in politics?.
• Headline: Hassan-Ben Bella Talk Seen As Aid to Asia-Africa Parley. Impact: This meeting may have inadvertently inspired future leaders to think that a chat over coffee could solve all international issues, leading to more conferences with less actual progress.. Fact: When two leaders get together, it’s like a corporate meeting—lots of talking, little action, and a snack table that no one pays attention to..
• Headline: TV Coverage Here. Impact: This all-day live TV coverage foreshadowed the era of binge-watching, leading to an entire generation being raised on soap operas and reality TV instead of public discourse.. Fact: All-day TV coverage means you can finally justify spending your entire weekend in pajamas—thank you, progress!.
• Headline: Vermont Lottery Bill Killed. Impact: The rejection of this bill led to countless Vermonters continuing to dream about winning the jackpot in a different, more legal way, which is to say, by never actually playing.. Fact: The lottery is the only game where you can lose money while dreaming about what you would do if you won, like buying a yacht that you can't afford to maintain..
• Headline: TV NETWORK IN JAPAN TO SOFTEN WAR FILM. Impact: This decision to tone down the documentary paved the way for a generation of filmmakers who would later decide that reality is too harsh and opt for CGI explosions instead.. Fact: Softening war films is like putting a cherry on top of a sundae made of nightmares—just because it looks nice doesn’t mean it’s any less traumatic!.