APRIL 13, 1965

Full News Archive

• Headline: Canadian Economy Surprises with Deficit Reduction. Impact: The Canadian economy's miraculous recovery led to a series of events where every single Canadian suddenly believed they were financial wizards. This eventually resulted in an international game show called 'Who Wants to Be a Maple Syrup Millionaire?'. Fact: Canada's economy is so polite that it actually apologized for the deficit before tackling it..
• Headline: Discovery of Flickering Radio Waves. Impact: The discovery of flickering radio waves sparked an obsession with extraterrestrial life, leading to the most awkward dinner parties where people shared their alien experiences. Spoiler alert: none of them were real.. Fact: Moscow's caution is basically the equivalent of checking the weather app before stepping outside..
• Headline: Canada Questions Water Sharing Proposal. Impact: Canada’s water proposal debate led to a bizarre international standoff where 'Water Wars' became a popular video game, much to the chagrin of environmentalists everywhere.. Fact: Canada, known for its politeness, still managed to negotiate like a tough negotiator who just happened to have a pet moose..
• Headline: STEVENSON GETS ROOSEVELT HONOR; Boyhood Friends on Stage at Memorial Dinner. Impact: Receiving the Roosevelt honor made Stevenson so popular that he inadvertently started a trend of politicians seeking awards more than they sought actual votes. Award shows became the new political battleground.. Fact: Being honored by a long-dead president is like getting a thumbs up from your high school principal years after graduation..
• Headline: U.S. Law on Arson Urged. Impact: The push for federal arson laws led to a dramatic rise in pyrotechnics enthusiasts, inadvertently giving birth to the modern firework industry. Who knew that legislation could light up the sky?. Fact: Arson laws are a great reminder that sometimes you really can't just 'burn your bridges' without facing consequences..
• Headline: Saigon Catholics Fearful Of Buddhist Army Purge; Saigon Catholics Are Fearful Of Army Purge by Buddhists. Impact: The fear of a Buddhist purge in Saigon led to what historians now call the Great Catholic Conspiracy of '65, where everyone ended up getting more paranoid than a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.. Fact: When religions start fearing each other, it’s like watching a really uncomfortable family reunion where no one wants to share the potato salad..
• Headline: A GLAUCOMA TEST GIVES EARLY CLUE; Eye-Pressure Study Offers Decades of Warning. Impact: The glaucoma test discovery led to a surge of people obsessively checking their eye pressure, resulting in a new trend of eye-guessing games at parties. Spoiler: No one won.. Fact: Detecting glaucoma at age 6 is a great way to start your career as a professional eye-roller..
• Headline: KIDNAPPERS' VICTIM IS DEAD IN COLOMBIA. Impact: The tragic death of the kidnapping victim spurred a worldwide campaign for better safety protocols, leading to the creation of the 'Don't Get Kidnapped' handbook. Best-seller, of course.. Fact: Kidnapping is like a bad movie plot—everyone thinks it only happens to someone else until it doesn't..
• Headline: Housing for Aged Planned In West Side Renewal Area. Impact: The planning of housing for the aged led to a nationwide trend of retirement homes that resembled luxury resorts, causing a new influx of retirees who just wanted to relive their youth.. Fact: Elderly housing projects are the only places where bingo nights are considered extreme sports..