MARCH 19, 1965

Full News Archive

• Headline: Racial Tensions Close Collinwood High School. Impact: The racial violence in Cleveland led to the establishment of more rigid school policies, which in turn inspired a series of youth movements that eventually got absorbed into the social fabric of the 1960s. If only those kids had Twitter, they could have gone viral instead of viral for all the wrong reasons.. Fact: Did you know that school closures due to violence didn't stop the rise of rock and roll? Imagine kids trading in their textbooks for guitars..
• Headline: Father Divine Praises President Johnson. Impact: Father Divine's endorsement of President Johnson was like that one friend who encourages you to make bad decisions. It led to a series of questionable policy decisions that ultimately made people question everything, including their choice of friends.. Fact: Fun fact: Father Divine once claimed he could turn water into wine. Spoiler alert: it was just really bad grape juice..
• Headline: L.I.R.R. Slowdown Disrupts Evening Commute. Impact: The L.I.R.R. slowdown showed commuters that their pain could indeed unite them, leading to the creation of the 'Commuters' Union' which ironically ended up being just a group chat complaining about delays.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing slower than the L.I.R.R. during a protest is a government response to fixing it? It's like watching molasses flow uphill..
• Headline: FOWLER IS NAMED DILLON SUCCESSOR; President Nominates Former Under Secretary to Head Treasury Department President Nominates Fowler to Succeed Dillon. Impact: Fowler's appointment as Treasury head marked a shift towards more systematic financial policies, which eventually led to the 'Great Recession'—a fancy way of saying the economy decided to throw a tantrum.. Fact: Did you know that in politics, being named a successor is like winning a game of musical chairs? Except the music is terrible and everyone ends up standing on the wrong side of history..
• Headline: RUSSIAN FLOATS IN SPACE FOR 10 MINUTES; LEAVES ORBITING CRAFT WITH A LIFELINE; MOSCOW SAYS MOON TRIP IS 'TARGET NOW'; 2D MAN FLIES SHIP TV in Soviet Shows Astronaut Turning Slow Somersault Soviet Astronaut Floats Outside His Two-Man Space Capsule for 10 Minutes LIFELINE TIES HIM TO ORBITING SHIP Trip to Moon Is Target in 'No Distant Future,' Says Russian Space Expert. Impact: The Russian astronaut's brief space float sent shockwaves through the space race, prompting a series of increasingly ridiculous PR stunts by both superpowers. This ultimately led to a reality show about space exploration—'The Real Astronauts of Earth.'. Fact: Did you know that the only thing floating longer than that astronaut was the hope of a peaceful space race? Spoiler: it didn't happen..
• Headline: York Named to Science Post. Impact: York's appointment to the Science Advisory Committee meant that science was finally going to get a seat at the adult table. This, of course, led to the eventual rise of science-deniers who still haven't figured out how to use Google.. Fact: Did you know that being a science advisor is just like being a parent? You need to explain the same concept over and over again while they insist they already understand it..
• Headline: HEALTH INSTITUTES CRITICIZED BY PANEL. Impact: The criticism of health institutes sparked a major overhaul, ironically leading to the creation of more bureaucratic layers that only confused everyone further—sort of like putting a band-aid on a broken leg.. Fact: Did you know that health panels are like your relatives at Thanksgiving? Everyone has an opinion, but nobody really knows what they're talking about..
• Headline: Mars Spaceship Stops Sending Radiation Data. Impact: Mars spaceship's failure to send data led to a decade of conspiracy theories about alien sabotage. Spoiler alert: it was just a really bad day for the ionization chamber.. Fact: Did you know that scientists on Earth were more shocked by the data failure than they were by the idea of life on Mars? Priorities, right?.
• Headline: O'Meara Takes Command in Europe. Impact: O'Meara's command in Europe was like putting a substitute teacher in charge—everyone was uncertain about what would happen next. Spoiler: it was mostly just paperwork and more meetings.. Fact: Did you know that taking command in Europe is just a fancy way of saying, 'I hope they don't ask me to solve any real problems'?.