MARCH 13, 1965

Full News Archive

• Headline: Kim Novak's Upcoming Marriage Announcement. Impact: Kim Novak's marriage could have altered the trajectory of Hollywood romances, leading to a reality where celebrity couples actually stay together. But alas, we now live in a world where reality TV stars are the new royalty. Fact: Did you know Kim Novak was originally slated to star in a movie about a mysterious woman who marries a man named 'R Johnson'? Oh wait, that was just life imitating art.
• Headline: Penn Dominates Fencing Championships. Impact: Penn's fencing win set off a series of events leading to a future where all sports have elaborate costumes and dramatic sword fights. Who knew fencing would pave the way for a new era of superhero movies?. Fact: Did you know that if fencing had become more popular than football, we might have seen the Super Fencing Bowl? Just imagine the halftime shows!.
• Headline: Lilly's Life as Casual as a Lilly Dress; Designer Finds That Her Colorful Shifts Go Anywhere. Impact: Lilly Pulitzer's colorful dresses inspired countless beach vacations, which ultimately resulted in a global shortage of sunscreen. Thanks to her, everyone now has a tan and a phobia of UV rays. Fact: Did you know Lilly’s designs were originally meant for the upper crust? So yes, you can thank her for making preppy attire the go-to for the masses at brunch.
• Headline: Documentary Filmmakers Using Civil Rights Theme in Features. Impact: The influx of civil rights documentaries led to a future where people actually start caring about issues that matter—until reality TV distracted them with absurdity. Thanks, filmmakers, for trying!. Fact: Did you know that the number of civil rights films has increased so much that they might soon outnumber superhero movies? And yet, people still think the Avengers are real heroes.
• Headline: Mayor Says Capital Budget Will Spur School Projects. Impact: Mayor Wagner's budget announcement sparked a flurry of school projects, which inadvertently led to a national trend of kids having too much homework. Good job, Wagner!. Fact: Did you know that if all mayors were as enthusiastic about budgets as Wagner, we'd have a nationwide shortage of children playing outside? But hey, at least they’re learning!.
• Headline: SALVATION ARMY MARKS 85TH YEAR; ' Knee Drill' to Recall the Old Rough-and-Tumble Days. Impact: The Salvation Army's 85th anniversary party turned into a catalyst for more charitable initiatives, leading to a future where people think donating old sweaters makes them philanthropists. Spoiler alert: it doesn't. Fact: Did you know that the 'Knee Drill' is a classic charity tactic? It's basically like a flash mob for helping others, minus the fun dance moves.
• Headline: Clergy Irate at Response Of Johnson to Rights Plea; Clergy Irate at Johnson's Reaction to Rights Plea. Impact: The clergy's outrage over Johnson's response to civil rights led to a long-standing rift between religious leaders and politicians, resulting in a future where church sermons sometimes double as political speeches. Thanks, guys!. Fact: Did you know that if Johnson had just agreed to meet with them, we might have seen a reality where politicians actually listened to clergy? What a wild thought!.
• Headline: WALLACE SEEKING TO MEET PRESIDENT; ' Earliest Possible' Talks on Racial Situation Urged. Impact: Wallace's plea to meet with Johnson became a pivotal moment in racial discourse, leading to a future where politicians actually have to care about the issues or face public backlash. Shocking, I know!. Fact: Did you know that if Wallace had met with Johnson, they could have had the first-ever political barbecue? Nothing brings people together like grilled meat and awkward conversations about race.
• Headline: CITY TROUPE GIVES OPERA BY BRITTEN; ' Midsummer Night's Dream Draws Small House. Impact: The small audience for Britten's opera foreshadowed a future where opera became the niche art form, only appreciated by those who fancy wearing monocles and sipping tea. Bravo!. Fact: Did you know that 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' isn’t just a play? It's also what happens when you forget to take your allergy meds before going to the opera.