MARCH 11, 1965

Full News Archive

• Headline: Senate Leaders Push for Voting Rights Bill. Impact: This voting bill led to the eventual creation of more rights-based legislation, which in turn paved the way for future generations to argue about voting rights on Twitter, while sitting on their couches and sipping artisanal coffee.. Fact: Did you know that arguing about voting rights is basically a sport in the U.S.? The rules change every few decades, but the fans never go away!.
• Headline: Paris Gold Market Experiences Foreign Demand. Impact: The rise in gold prices prompted a series of economic shifts, leading to a gold rush that would later inspire countless bad movies about treasure hunters and their questionable life choices.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing shinier than gold during this time was the optimism of those who thought they could get rich quick by investing in it!.
• Headline: Major Contribution to Wagner Fund. Impact: This $25,000 contribution is believed to have single-handedly funded the world's first pizza delivery service, proving that money can indeed buy happiness… or at least a lot of cheese.. Fact: Did you know that in the world of politics, donations often have fewer strings attached than a toddler's shoelaces? Just saying..
• Headline: Queen and Duchess of Windsor Will Meet at Ill Duke's Bedside; QUEEN ELIZABETH TO MEET DUCHESS. Impact: This royal rendezvous marked the beginning of a new era in British royal family drama, setting the stage for modern tabloid culture and an endless stream of reality TV spin-offs.. Fact: Did you know that royal family meetings are basically just the world's most expensive family therapy sessions? Pass the popcorn!.
• Headline: Young Polish Couple's Move to Country Counters a Trend. Impact: The trend of young Polish couples moving to the countryside inadvertently inspired a wave of hipster retreats, where city-dwellers now pay top dollar to live 'authentically' in the middle of nowhere.. Fact: Did you know that sometimes, the grass is greener on the other side? But only until you realize it's just a bunch of weeds and no Wi-Fi..
• Headline: PROFESSOR CLOSES DISPUTE AT YALE; Philosopher Denied Tenure Urges Return to Work. Impact: This dispute closure at Yale led to a chain reaction of academic disputes that ultimately resulted in a generation of students majoring in 'Philosophy of Getting Denied Tenure.'. Fact: Did you know that getting denied tenure is like getting ghosted, but with more paperwork? Welcome to academia!.
• Headline: Scramble in Europe. Impact: The scramble in Europe over interest rates set the stage for future economic crises, culminating in financial news that would confuse and terrify the average person for generations to come.. Fact: Did you know that 'scramble' is also how most people feel when trying to understand their bank statements? It's an Olympic sport for the financially confused!.
• Headline: Goldie (That Eagle) Trapped at Last. Impact: Goldie’s capture was a pivotal moment in animal rights activism, inspiring future generations to advocate for the freedom of all critters, even those who just want to chill in a tree somewhere.. Fact: Did you know that Eagles have been known to have more drama in their lives than most reality TV stars? Just look at Goldie!.
• Headline: Mitchell Prosecutor Softens Plea to Jury; PLEA IS SOFTENED AGAINST MITCHELL. Impact: This softening plea was the start of a trend where lawyers learned that sometimes saying 'please' can go a long way in the courtroom, leading to an increase in polite legal battles.. Fact: Did you know that the courtroom is one of the few places where people can argue passionately while still pretending to be courteous? It’s like a tea party with more yelling!.
• Headline: Michigan May Sue. Impact: Michigan’s potential lawsuit became a catalyst for states across the nation to reconsider their voting policies, eventually leading to a variety of creative methods for disenfranchising voters that would be studied in law schools for decades.. Fact: Did you know that some states are so creative with voting laws that they could probably win an award for 'Best Supporting Actor in a Disenfranchisement Drama'? Oscar-worthy, really!.