MARCH 9, 1965

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mysterious Disappearance and Reappearance. Impact: This guy going full cowboy mode might have inspired a future generation of New Yorkers to ditch their 9-to-5s and head west, leading to a surge in cowboy-themed brunch spots across Brooklyn. You can thank him for the existence of overpriced cowboy hats.. Fact: Did you know that disappearing for five years can totally ruin your Yelp reviews? Just imagine the food truck he missed out on!.
• Headline: Governor Rejects Out-of-State Scholarship Bill. Impact: Rockefeller's veto may have inadvertently contributed to the rise of online education, as students sought out alternatives to his stubbornness, thus propelling the internet into an educational gold rush. All hail the cat video tutors!. Fact: Fun fact: vetoing scholarships is a great way to ensure that students remain trapped in their home states, probably making them more likely to complain about the weather!.
• Headline: Lonergan's 1943 Murder Trial Appeal. Impact: Lonergan’s appeal could have led to a new legal precedent, inspiring future true crime podcasts that exploit this tragedy for ratings, thus forever changing the way we consume crime stories. You're welcome, true crime aficionados!. Fact: Did you know that confessions are like bad relationships? Once they come out, it’s often too late to take them back!.
• Headline: PUT ON PROBATION, MAN FAINTS IN COURT. Impact: His dramatic courtroom fainting spell inspired a whole new genre of courtroom antics in movies and TV shows. Thanks to him, we now have judges who roll their eyes more than a teenager on TikTok.. Fact: Did you know that fainting in court is a classic tactic? It's like yelling 'I can't even!' but with less dignity..
• Headline: CAB FLEET OWNERS SEEK N.L.R.B. VOTE; 25 Want to Know Whether Drivers Want Unionization. Impact: The cab owners' quest for a vote sparked a chain reaction that ultimately led to the rise of ride-sharing apps. Thank you for making Uber a thing; your legacy lives on in surge pricing!. Fact: Fun fact: asking drivers if they want to unionize is like asking a cat if it wants to take a bath. Spoiler alert: it's not happening!.
• Headline: SHERIFF IS ASSAILED OVER HOSPITAL SIT-IN. Impact: The fallout from this incident likely led to an increase in community activism, as people realized that protesting can sometimes result in actual changes—who knew? Now everyone’s trying to start a social media campaign.. Fact: Did you know that 'assailed' is just a fancy way of saying someone got called out? Because that Sheriff definitely needed a better PR team..
• Headline: AMUSEMENT UNIONS MEET ON WORLD UNIT. Impact: This meeting probably led to the establishment of the International Clown Federation, which has since been struggling to redeem clowns' reputations. Let’s be real, they need all the help they can get.. Fact: Fun fact: half a million entertainers meeting sounds like a great party—unless you’re the only mime, then it’s just awkward silence..
• Headline: Old City Found in Guinea. Impact: The discovery of this ancient city likely fueled a surge in archaeological tourism, making it the 'it' destination for people looking to dig up their own history—or at least get a cool Instagram pic.. Fact: Did you know that finding ancient ruins is like discovering buried treasure, except you can't spend it on anything other than more digging gear?.
• Headline: Wallace Says Police Saved Negro Lives; Wallace Says Police Saved Negroes. Impact: This statement probably led to further discussions about police tactics and community relations, paving the way for future protests and movements that sought to hold law enforcement accountable. The ripple effects are still felt today.. Fact: Did you know that claiming to save lives while denying accountability is like saying you 'totally meant to' when you drop your friend's phone? Not the best way to make friends..