JANUARY 27, 1965

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tshombe's Departure for Belgium. Impact: Tshombe's departure for Belgium sparked a series of diplomatic flops, eventually leading to a secret society of politicians who just couldn't figure out how to solve problems without running off to Europe. The butterfly flapped its wings, and now we have politicians taking vacations during crises. Fact: Did you know that Tshombe’s name sounds like a sneeze? 'Tshombe!' Bless you!.
• Headline: Bonn's Strong Support for the UN. Impact: Bonn’s financial support for the UN without being a member led to a secret club of countries that paid dues but didn't show up for meetings. This financial strategy has since inspired countless sitcoms about the awkwardness of being that one friend who pays for dinner yet never shows up. Fact: Did you know that Bonn is not just a city but also a popular name for a type of bad hair day? Coincidence? I think not!.
• Headline: Union County Property Valued. Impact: The staggering property valuation in Union County set off a frenzy of overinflated property values, leading to a real estate bubble that would eventually pop. This moment in history is a constant reminder that the only thing that goes up faster than property value is a politician's promise. Fact: Did you know that $3,656,104,514 is also the estimated value of my patience when reading property tax reports?.
• Headline: North Korean Reds Report U.S. Cavalryman Defected. Impact: Sgt Jenkins’ defection turned him into a legend in North Korea, leading to an imaginary sequel where he becomes the world’s first cowboy spy. This event also led to a North Korean reality show about defectors, which was ironically more popular than anything in the U.S. Fact: Did you know that Sgt Jenkins was actually just really bad at following directions? AWOL was his way of saying, ‘I need a snack break.’.
• Headline: Turkey Bars Visit by U.S. Nuclear Merchant Ship; Savannah Itinerary Shifted by American Export Lines in Dispute on Liability. Impact: Turkey's refusal to allow the U.S. nuclear merchant ship to dock led to a series of diplomatic faux pas that could fill a comedy sketch. If only those ships had known how to read the room, we might have avoided the 'Nuclear Merchant Ship' sitcom that almost aired. Fact: Fun fact: If ships had feelings, the Savannah would have needed therapy after being denied entry. Talk about rejection!.
• Headline: Childville Elects Mrs. Lewis. Impact: Mrs. Lewis's election as president of Childville led to a series of unfortunate events, including the realization that governing a small town is just as chaotic as running for president. This event sparked a nationwide trend of parents running for local office, all while questioning their life choices. Fact: Did you know that Childville is not just a name but also the official term for any time a group of children are left unattended in a candy store?.
• Headline: Paris Exhibit on Jews Opens. Impact: The opening of the Paris exhibit on Jews during the Holocaust was a poignant reminder that history's shadows still linger. This event spurred a wave of memorials that opened up discussions about tolerance and remembrance, leading to an unexpected increase in people Googling 'how to be a decent human being.'. Fact: Did you know that the Center of Jewish Contemporary Documentation is better at remembering history than most people are at remembering where they parked?.
• Headline: Upholding of G.O.P. Districting Seen by Both Parties as Victory; Governor Says He Is 'Pleased' -- Straus 'Gratified' That Principle Was Upheld. Impact: The GOP districting ruling was seen as a victory, which just goes to show that in politics, winning is often just another term for 'let's keep arguing about this forever.' This sparked a never-ending cycle of legal battles that would make even the most patient person want to pull their hair out. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more complicated than districting in politics is trying to explain it to your grandma without her nodding off?.
• Headline: Site of Presbyterian Talks Changed in Racial Dispute. Impact: The Presbyterian talks shifting due to racial controversy illuminated how deeply ingrained issues of race are, causing a ripple effect that would spark countless debates and discussions. This event is now considered a pivotal moment in the history of racial awareness, but let's be honest, it should have never needed a pivot. Fact: Did you know that shifting locations for talks is just like moving your dinner party to the backyard when the in-laws show up? Same issues, different scenery!.