JANUARY 18, 1965

Full News Archive

• Headline: State Authority Proposes Blue Cross Takeover. Impact: If the state had successfully taken over Blue Cross, we might have avoided a future where health insurance companies are run like fast food chains, complete with drive-thrus and upsells for premium benefits.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more complicated than health insurance is trying to explain it to someone who doesn’t live in the U.S.?.
• Headline: Johnson's Crucial Decision on Congo Arms. Impact: Johnson's decision to increase arms to Congo could have led to an alternate reality where the U.S. became the world’s top supplier of 'weapons of diplomacy'—because nothing says peace like a well-armed regime.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing less stable than the Congo during this time was the average American's grasp of foreign policy?.
• Headline: Turk Minority in Greece Charges Bias. Impact: The Turkish minority’s complaints might have led to a butterfly effect of ethnic tensions that inspired a new political thriller series, 'Discrimination: The Unseen War.'. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more complicated than international relations is the seating arrangement at Thanksgiving dinners when everyone disagrees?.
• Headline: There's an Automobile in Your Future (and Soon), Suzuki-san; JAPAN'S INDUSTRY SEEKS HOME SALES Only One in 75 Owns Auto Now but Lower Costs Will Change Picture. Impact: If Suzuki had succeeded in promoting car ownership, we might have witnessed a future filled with bumper-to-bumper traffic jams and the birth of road rage as a recognized sport.. Fact: Did you know that owning a car is like having a pet? You love it until you have to clean up its mess and pay for its upkeep!.
• Headline: Brittannica Elects Director. Impact: Gallan’s election could have set off a chain reaction of directors being elected in a bizarre game of corporate musical chairs, leading to a reality show: 'Who Wants to Be a Director?'. Fact: Did you know that the best part about being elected as a director is you finally get to use that 'I'm in a meeting' excuse to avoid awkward conversations?.
• Headline: A Reason to Advertise. Impact: The government’s ad campaign for a balanced budget might have inspired future politicians to think that if they just advertised enough, they could sell the concept of fiscal responsibility to the masses.. Fact: Did you know that a balanced budget is like a unicorn? Everyone talks about it, but very few have actually seen one in the wild..
• Headline: New President Named By Bank of Commerce. Impact: Lybrand’s election might have sparked a corporate takeover of the 'Bank of Commerce', leading to an alternate universe where banks are run by reality TV stars and financial advice is dispensed via TikTok.. Fact: Did you know that the average bank president probably has a better poker face than all the poker players on TV combined?.
• Headline: THE GUN RETURNS AS NAVY WEAPON; Missile to Be Complemented Under Revised Planning. Impact: The Navy's decision to return to lighter weapons might have created a timeline where naval battles were fought with water balloons and foam darts, making them much more family-friendly.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing that travels faster than a naval missile is the gossip about what happened during the last 'friendly fire' incident?.