JANUARY 17, 1965

Full News Archive

• Headline: Airport Parking: A Booming Industry. Impact: The rise of airport parking concessions led to the creation of the first-ever 'Parking Wars' reality show in 2032, where contestants compete to find the best airport parking deals while dodging rival drones.. Fact: Did you know that the first airport parking lot ever was just a dirt patch? Talk about a rough landing!.
• Headline: Global Race for U.N. Council Seats Begins. Impact: The early start of the U.N. Council race sparked a 21st-century trend where nations began campaigning for council seats like they were running for the presidency—complete with attack ads and questionable endorsements from cats.. Fact: Did you know that in some countries, they actually take political campaigning seriously? Weird, right?.
• Headline: Aerospace Industry Faces Spending Cuts. Impact: The uncertainty in the aerospace industry led to a massive influx of engineers into the cupcake business, as they figured it was easier to make pastries rise than rockets.. Fact: Did you know that during the 1960s, cupcakes were seen as the ultimate sign of culinary achievement? Take that, soufflé!.
• Headline: The Heat Is On Films; The Heat Is On. Impact: The legislative reaction to cheap films resulted in a bizarre underground movement where filmmakers began producing movies solely about the history of pants, claiming it was 'artistic expression.'. Fact: Did you know that the Production Code was actually a set of rules designed to protect audiences from bad movies? Spoiler alert: it failed miserably..
• Headline: MOSCOW WORRIED BY RURAL SCHOOLS; Pravda Says Dropouts and Truancy Are Problems. Impact: Pravda's concerns about rural schools triggered a secret Soviet initiative to train bears as teachers, believing that they could instill fear and respect in the students—because nothing screams education like a bear in a classroom.. Fact: Did you know that in some parts of the world, bears are actually revered? Not in classrooms, though. That would be... something..
• Headline: Taylor to Offer Computers. Impact: Taylor's decision to offer computers led to an unforeseen tech boom, birthing an entire generation of engineers who would later discover that building a computer was slightly more complicated than assembling IKEA furniture.. Fact: Did you know that the first computers were the size of a room? And we complain about our laptops being too heavy!.
• Headline: Schweitzer's Bach: Study in Symbols. Impact: Schweitzer's scholarly work on Bach inspired a cult of Bach enthusiasts who believed that listening to his music while meditating could unlock the secrets of the universe—spoiler: it didn’t.. Fact: Did you know that Bach was once considered 'too complex' for the average listener? Now his music is the go-to for studying, because nothing says 'I’m working hard' like classical tunes..
• Headline: Congress Is Preparing Studies Of Pentagon Plan for Reserves. Impact: Congress's studies on the Pentagon plan sparked endless debates about merging the military branches, leading to the creation of a new elite task force: the 'Guardians of the Garrison'—who mostly just guard the snack bar.. Fact: Did you know that merging military branches is about as likely as getting all cats and dogs to agree on a single meal? Good luck with that!.