SEPTEMBER 20, 1964

Full News Archive

• Headline: Unveiling the Power of Remembrance. Impact: If only everyone had listened to this autobiography, we might have ended up in a world where everyone writes their life stories instead of posting them on social media. The literary world could have been saved from the horror of hashtags. Fact: Writing an autobiography is actually just a fancy way of telling everyone how amazing you are without needing a blog.
• Headline: Injunction Against Las Vegas Casino Strike. Impact: This injunction against the strike created a ripple effect that ensured Las Vegas would remain the land of excess and poor decisions, where the only thing more certain than the house winning is a good ol' fashioned labor dispute. Fact: You’d think casinos would love workers striking for better wages. Instead, they prefer the sound of slot machines over the sound of union chants.
• Headline: The Farmer Frustrates Khrushchev; The peasant who would rather work for himself than the state helps keep Soviet output down. Impact: Khrushchev never saw it coming—thanks to one stubborn farmer, the Soviet Union's agricultural output was reduced by a peasant's refusal to toe the party line. The farmer's legacy? A new breed of rebellious crops. Fact: Who knew that one farmer could outsmart an entire government? Makes you wonder what the peasants were really up to with their pitchforks.
• Headline: Mongo Ninth in U. N.. Impact: Mongo’s ninth place finish at the U.N. may have inspired a generation of underachievers to aim lower in life. After all, if you can’t be first, at least be the best at being mediocre. Fact: In the world of competitive horse racing, ninth place is basically the equivalent of showing up to the party and eating all the snacks.
• Headline: Big Resin Plant Is Planned By the Pantasote Company. Impact: The promise of a new resin plant sounded great, but what followed was an influx of resin-related puns that would haunt West Virginia for decades to come. Puns aside, it probably did wonders for the local economy. Fact: Resin is like the glue that holds your craft projects together—literally. If only it could fix all of our societal issues too!.
• Headline: IN DORA'S WAKE; Jacksonville, St. Augustine Beaches Suffered Most From the Hurricane. Impact: The aftermath of Hurricane Dora taught Jacksonville and St. Augustine that nature doesn’t play favorites. The beaches learned to put up a 'No Hurricanes Allowed' sign, but nature laughed in response. Fact: Hurricane recovery is just nature’s way of making sure you remember who’s really in charge—hint: it's not you.
• Headline: British Color TV Still 3 Years Away. Impact: The delay of color TV in Britain meant that for three more years, families had to endure the monochrome misery of black and white shows. This sparked an entire generation of ‘what if’ scenarios about colorized Shakespeare plays. Fact: Watching TV in black and white was like living in a world where someone had forgotten to turn on the color settings. Thanks, technology!.
• Headline: THE NEWS OF THE WEEK IN REVIEW; THE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES ON TOUR— TWO STOPS IN THE SOUTH LAST WEEK; Goldwater's Bid. Impact: The presidential candidates touring the South led to an explosion of campaign slogans that no one remembers today, but are still cringeworthy enough to come back in viral TikTok challenges. Fact: Campaign tours are basically just political road trips where everyone pretends to like the food in every state. Spoiler: they don’t.