AUGUST 11, 1964

Full News Archive

• Headline: Cease-Fire Agreement in Cyprus and Turkey. Impact: The cease-fire led to a decade-long stalemate that allowed both sides to perfect their social media trolling skills. Who knew that a quiet island could become a hotbed of passive-aggressive tweets?. Fact: Cyprus has been divided since 1974, making it the poster child for 'let's not talk about it' diplomacy.
• Headline: South Vietnam Breaks Diplomatic Relations with Indonesia. Impact: South Vietnam's decision to sever ties with Indonesia triggered a chain reaction of diplomatic breakups, making it the original 'it's not you, it's me' of international relations. Fact: Severing diplomatic ties is like blocking someone on social media, but with more paperwork and less immediate gratification.
• Headline: Thousands Protest Turkish Air Raids in Athens. Impact: The peaceful protest in Athens inspired future generations to realize that sometimes, standing around with signs can be more effective than yelling at the TV. Fact: Greece has a long history of protests, proving that when in doubt, just grab a sign and make some noise!.
• Headline: Methodist Leader Hails Pope Paul on Encyclical. Impact: The Methodist leader's praise for Pope Paul sparked a theological rivalry that led to the Great Ecumenical Bake-Off of 1975, where denominations competed for the best communion bread. Fact: Pope Paul VI once said, 'Peace is a gift,' but he probably didn't mean the kind you get from a fruitcake during the holidays.
• Headline: PRESIDENT SIGNS ASIA RESOLUTION; His Power to Combat Red Moves Is Bolstered. Impact: Johnson's Asia resolution was the catalyst for a series of extravagant military spending sprees, leading to a future where the U.S. could fund its own sci-fi movie extravaganza—who wouldn't want laser guns?. Fact: The resolution was less about combating communism and more about keeping the military-industrial complex well-fed.
• Headline: WHITES HERE PLAN A SCHOOL BOYCOTT; 250,000 May Be Held Out on Opening Day in Protest on Integration Policies. Impact: The school boycott inadvertently led to the rise of alternative education methods, including homeschooling and the invention of the Netflix binge-watch as a valid educational tool. Fact: The only thing more complicated than integrating schools was explaining to parents why their kids were suddenly experts at 'educational' shows on TV.
• Headline: Cambodia Protests Charge. Impact: Cambodia's protest over the collusion charge actually inspired a trend of countries protesting rumors, proving that when it comes to international relations, gossip can be more dangerous than a military coup. Fact: In the world of diplomacy, denying a rumor is sometimes seen as a sign of guilt—so good luck, Cambodia!.
• Headline: Turkey Agrees to Cyprus Truce, But Demands Greek Pullback. Impact: Turkey's demand for a Greek pullback led to a series of unfortunate events where both sides took their disagreements to the next level: the Olympics of petty grievances. Fact: Cease-fires can be like temporary truces in a game of Monopoly—necessary, but everyone knows it won't last.
• Headline: Asia Reappraises U.S.. Impact: Asia's reappraisal of the U.S. resulted in a lot of head-scratching and the realization that sometimes, a superpower's biggest weakness is its own overconfidence. Fact: The term 'superpower' was coined when someone realized that having a lot of bombs doesn't necessarily mean you're good at diplomacy.
• Headline: CYPRUS SUBSIDES; GRIEVES FOR DEAD; Makarios Visits Hospitals —Sporadic Fire Reported in Nicosia and North. Impact: The grief following Cyprus's unrest led to a wave of international sympathy, which, in a twist of irony, made the island a prime location for future vacation packages promising peace and tranquility. Fact: Cyprus is often referred to as the 'island of love'—just not in the context of its political climate.