AUGUST 4, 1964

Full News Archive

• Headline: Antitrust Suit Targets Dymo Industries. Impact: When Dymo was charged with antitrust violations, it sparked a global obsession with labeling. Fast forward a few decades, and suddenly everyone is labeling their lunch, their kids, and even their houseplants. Thanks, Dymo. You created a generation of label-obsessed humans. Fact: Dymo's label maker is probably the only thing that has ever brought more organization to a messy life than a motivational poster.
• Headline: Thant's Historic Visit to Washington. Impact: Presidential confidence in the UN? That certainly set off a chain reaction of eye-rolls from future leaders, who would later pretend to care about international cooperation while secretly plotting their own agendas. Thanks, Thant!. Fact: In the future, politicians will still emphasize confidence in the UN while simultaneously ignoring its recommendations. Classic!.
• Headline: Councilmen Receive Pay Raises Amid Controversy. Impact: The raises for councilmen caused a ripple effect where every politician suddenly felt entitled to their own version of a 'living wage.' This eventually led to the creation of the 'Politician's Pay Raise Committee'—which is just a fancy name for a group of people trying to justify their own salaries. Fact: In a twist of fate, the only thing more inflated than politician salaries is their egos.
• Headline: U.S. Court Orders Montgomery, Ala., To Integrate Pupils. Impact: The court's order to integrate schools in Montgomery set off a nationwide movement towards desegregation. Unbeknownst to the lawmakers, this also led to the invention of the phrase 'You can't put that genie back in the bottle,' which is now used whenever anyone tries to reverse social progress. Fact: Integrating schools was a real game changer; kids learned that sharing a classroom with someone who isn't just like them isn't actually the end of the world.
• Headline: Moscow Hails U.S. Folk Singer Discovered by Soviet in ‘Village’. Impact: When a U.S. folk singer was hailed in Moscow, it caused an unexpected cultural exchange that led to an underground movement of 'Soviet folk rock'—which was just as confusing as it sounds. Fact: Folk singers have been known to change the world with their music. Or at least their hairstyles.
• Headline: KEPPEL CAUTIONS ON SCHOOL FUNDS; Cites Law's Ban on U.S. Aid to Segregated Facilities. Impact: Keppel's caution on school funds was a precursor to the endless debates about education budgeting that would plague future generations. Thanks to this moment, every parent will one day feel the urge to run for school board out of sheer frustration. Fact: Education funding debates are the adult version of 'You can't sit with us!' from high school.
• Headline: 2 ON COUNCIL SEEK RETURN TO 3% TAX. Impact: The councilmen's attempt to lower sales tax was the start of many futility campaigns, leading to a future where taxpayers would jokingly suggest lowering taxes in equally absurd ways—like by asking their cats to pay their share. Fact: Lowering taxes is like trying to diet. Everyone talks about it, but very few follow through.
• Headline: Text of Lindsay Campaign Statement. Impact: Lindsay's campaign statement, while seemingly mundane, set off a series of increasingly bizarre political statements in the future, leading to the emergence of campaign slogans that sound more like bad pickup lines. Fact: Campaign statements often age like milk left out in the sun—nobody wants to touch them after a few years.
• Headline: Allied Tower Makes False Start on Facade. Impact: The false start on the facade of the Allied Tower led to a series of construction mishaps that would inspire a reality TV show about what not to do when building skyscrapers. Spoiler alert: Always check your blueprints. Fact: Construction blunders are the universe's way of reminding us that even buildings have bad days.
• Headline: U.S. Envoy Arrives in Bogota. Impact: The arrival of the U.S. envoy in Bogota was the beginning of a long diplomatic saga that would eventually lead to more frequent flyer miles than most people accumulate in a lifetime. Talk about a 'frequent diplomat' program!. Fact: Envoys often have the best travel stories, especially when they involve getting lost in translation.