JULY 8, 1964

Full News Archive

• Headline: New Ambassador to Cambodia Confirmed by Senate. Impact: The confirmation of a new Cambodia ambassador sparked a series of diplomatic events that inadvertently led to an increased number of awkward dinner parties where guests had to pretend to know where Cambodia was on the map. Fact: Did you know that ‘ambassador’ is just a fancy term for ‘professional diplomat who gets to eat a lot of free food’?.
• Headline: Romney's Call to G.O.P. on Rights Approaches. Impact: Romney’s plea to the G.O.P. to avoid a rights fight led to a domino effect where the party became known for their impeccable ability to dodge real issues, like a political version of 'The Matrix'. Fact: Fun fact: The only fight Republicans seem to enjoy is the one over who gets the last piece of cake at the annual fundraiser.
• Headline: New Leadership at Pocket Books. Impact: The appointment of a new board member at Pocket Books inadvertently set off a chain reaction that resulted in millions of readers deciding they really needed to buy yet another self-help book they’d never read. Fact: Did you know that Pocket Books is basically the adult version of that kid in school who always had the coolest lunch but no one ever knew why?.
• Headline: Thurmond Critical of Views of Floridian, Named to Head Agency Under New Act. Impact: Thurmond’s criticism of Floridian views not only solidified his reputation as the guy who always has something to complain about, but it also led to a sudden spike in Southern-themed memes that still circulate today. Fact: Did you know that Thurmond was known for his ‘Southernism’ so much that even Google maps couldn’t find a way to avoid him?.
• Headline: Mexican Earthquake's Toll Put at 36 Dead and 65 Hurt. Impact: The Mexican earthquake’s toll of 36 dead and 65 hurt shifted the world’s attention temporarily to natural disasters, leaving conspiracy theorists to wonder if Mother Nature was just having a bad day. Fact: Natural disasters have a way of uniting people, but it's usually just to argue over who gets to keep the last slice of pizza at the shelter.
• Headline: High‐Ranking Communist Here Ousted by Party as ‘Police Agent’. Impact: The ousting of a high-ranking Communist for being a ‘police agent’ led to an increase in paranoia among party members, resulting in more secret handshakes and less actual communism. Fact: In the world of communism, getting expelled for being a snitch is like getting kicked out of a book club for not reading; it’s a serious offense!.
• Headline: C.B.S. Studies Political Endorsements. Impact: C.B.S. studying political endorsements meant that by 1966, they had inadvertently turned political candidates into reality TV stars, setting the stage for today’s political circus. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more scripted than a political endorsement is a soap opera, and at least soap operas have better endings.
• Headline: Westchester Seeks Meeting With City on Sewer System. Impact: The sewer system meeting between Westchester and NYC led to an ongoing rivalry over who had the stinkiest problems, eventually resulting in a competitive ‘who can build the best sewage system’ contest. Fact: Sewers are the unsung heroes of urban life; without them, we’d all be living in a very different type of ‘toilet’ society.
• Headline: Negro Is Shot by Sniper. Impact: The shooting of a Negro by a sniper ignited an important civil rights discussion, though some would rather have avoided it, opting instead to stick to their daily routine of ignoring actual issues. Fact: It’s fascinating how some people can hear ‘civil rights’ and interpret it as ‘let’s just keep things the same’—like a bad rerun on TV.
• Headline: ARGETINE OPENS ATTACK ON JEWS; Deputy Asks Congress Study of ‘Zionist Conspiracy’. Impact: The Argentine Deputy’s attack on Jews regarding a supposed ‘Zionist Conspiracy’ led to a series of baseless theories, creating a tangled web of misunderstandings that still fuels conspiracy blogs to this day. Fact: Conspiracy theories are like bad fashion trends; they come back around every few decades, and you just can’t believe people fell for them again.