JUNE 17, 1964

Full News Archive

• Headline: Goldwater's Path to Victory. Impact: Goldwater's campaign set off a cascade of future Republicans trying to outdo each other with increasingly outrageous platforms. Spoiler alert: it worked, and now we have reality TV stars in politics. Thanks, Goldwater!. Fact: Did you know that Goldwater's campaign slogan was 'In Your Heart, You Know He's Right'? Which is just a fancy way of saying, 'I hope you don't think too hard about this.'.
• Headline: Austria, U.A.R. and Syria Send New U.N. Delegates. Impact: The new UN delegates were like the fresh batch of interns who somehow end up changing the world. Thanks to their invigorating presence, we now have a UN that resembles a never-ending family reunion where everyone has unresolved issues. Fact: Did you know that the UN stands for 'Useless Nonsense' in some circles? Just kidding, but it sure feels that way sometimes!.
• Headline: Brooklyn Law Gives Degrees. Impact: The law giving degrees in Brooklyn was the start of a chain reaction that eventually led to everyone thinking they could be 'experts' just because they sat through a few lectures. And look where that got us—social media influencers. Fact: Did you know that Judge Friendly's honor degree probably came with a side of 'you'll never be this cool' just for good measure?.
• Headline: POLICE DECRY BILL FOR REVIEW PANEL; 1,200 at City Hall Protest Plan for Civilians to Scan Charges of Brutality. Impact: The police protest was a tipping point that led to the modern movement of 'cops being scrutinized'—which made everyone wonder if maybe, just maybe, they should’ve paid attention to their behavior all along. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'civilians scanning charges of brutality' was code for 'let's give regular people a chance to yell at the police too!'.
• Headline: SENATE SPEED‐UP PUTS RIGHTS BILL NEAR FINAL VOTE; 34 Roll‐Calls, a Record, Are Taken—Southerners Lose Bids on All Amendments. Impact: The Senate's record number of roll calls made it clear that Congress can indeed be as dysfunctional as a reality TV show. This paved the way for future politicians to make history while simultaneously making a complete mess of things. Fact: Did you know that in 1951, they only had 16 roll calls in one day? The Senate's version of a workout is now a marathon of indecision!.
• Headline: RIGHTISTS IN SPAIN ANNOUNCE NEW UNIT. Impact: The formation of the new rightist unit in Spain was just the beginning of a series of groups popping up everywhere, leading to the establishment of the 'Most Unwanted' club—a collection of extreme factions that are still very much alive today. Fact: Did you know that Falangist is just a fancy term for 'we really miss the good ol' days of dictatorship'? Nostalgia can be a dangerous thing.
• Headline: State Court Dismisses Suit Against Roosevelt Raceway. Impact: The dismissal of the stockholder suit made investors everywhere feel a bit more invincible, leading to the infamous 2008 crash where they learned the hard way that sometimes, the law isn't on your side. Who knew?. Fact: Did you know that the stock market is just like a roller coaster? It has its ups and downs, but nobody wants to admit they screamed the whole way through.
• Headline: Article 1 -- No Title. Impact: Countries trying to end trade deficits led to a global trend of countries competing to see who could have the most absurd trade policies—eventually resulting in tariffs that made everyone wonder if they were living in a bizarre version of Monopoly. Fact: Did you know that 'trade deficit' is just a fancy term for 'we bought more stuff than we sold'? It's like your credit card bill coming in and making you question your life choices.