JUNE 11, 1964

Full News Archive

• Headline: Goldwater's Opposition Erupts at Convention. Impact: Had the moderate Republican governors rallied behind Goldwater, the political landscape of the 60s might have looked like a circus tent rather than a battlefield, leading to a completely different type of mid-century American entertainment. Fact: Fun fact: If you think the GOP has a hard time uniting now, just wait until you see the family reunion after this Goldwater debacle!.
• Headline: State Health Commissioner Honored with Award. Impact: The receipt of the H M Biggs Memorial Award may have sparked a sudden influx of health commissioners across the nation trying to outdo each other, leading to a decade of overqualified health bureaucrats with massive egos. Fact: Did you know that receiving an award doesn't actually mean you did anything good? Just ask every celebrity at the Oscars.
• Headline: Eshkol Advocates for Israel's Deterrent Strength. Impact: Eshkol’s comments in Chicago could have inadvertently inspired a new trend of world leaders making speeches thousands of miles away—because everyone knows the best way to connect with your constituents is to do it from a different continent. Fact: Fun fact: Deterrents are like insurance; nobody wants to use them, but it sure is nice to have them in case of an emergency... or a surprise invasion!.
• Headline: Asians Assail South Africa. Impact: The Asian community's criticism of South Africa may have sparked a series of international debates—like a global game of 'Who Can Be the Most Outraged' that still continues today. Fact: Did you know that complaining about another country's policies is basically the global pastime? It's like a never-ending episode of 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians', but with actual consequences.
• Headline: Tenants Win New Delay In Foley Square Evictions. Impact: The tenants' ability to delay their evictions could have set off a nationwide trend of people finding creative ways to avoid confrontation, leading to an increase in self-help books about ‘How to Stall 101’. Fact: Fun fact: Tenants winning delays is basically the adult version of saying 'five more minutes' before bedtime—only with slightly higher stakes.
• Headline: T.V.A. Pay Rises Approved. Impact: The approved pay rises for TVA employees may have inadvertently led to a spike in demand for white-collar jobs, thus inspiring the phrase 'the grass is always greener on the other side'—except that side has better pay. Fact: Did you know that a pay rise doesn’t guarantee happiness? Just ask the person who won the lottery and still ends up unhappy!.
• Headline: ‘WORKER CONTROL’ SOUGHT IN ALGERIA; Unions Pressing Remaining French‐Run Companies. Impact: The push for 'worker control' in Algeria may have ignited a series of labor uprisings worldwide, leading to a global phenomenon of workers demanding snacks at meetings as a basic right. Fact: Fun fact: 'Algerianization' may sound like a trendy new diet, but it’s actually just about taking back control from French companies. Who knew politics could be so... appetizing?.
• Headline: Johnson Back in Capital. Impact: Johnson’s interruption at the Holy Cross College commencement could have changed the course of graduation traditions forever, possibly leading to a future where politicians crash all ceremonies, much to the dismay of graduates. Fact: Did you know that commencement speeches are often just politicians trying to relive their glory days? Spoiler alert: it rarely works out.
• Headline: ‘Closure’ and ‘Cloture’ Mean the Same Thing. Impact: The clarification of 'closure' and 'cloture' in the Senate may have led to a national obsession with synonyms, inspiring a generation of thesaurus enthusiasts that still haunts us today. Fact: Fun fact: Even the Senate could use a good dictionary! But let's face it, they’re more into ‘closure’ than ‘clarity’ anyway.
• Headline: Idealism Is Not Enough, Radcliffe Told by Editor. Impact: The editor’s advice at Radcliffe about idealism could have inspired countless students to ditch their dreams for practicality, possibly leading to an increase in corporate clones. Fact: Did you know that idealism is basically just a fancy way of saying 'I have no idea what I'm doing'? Welcome to adulthood!.