APRIL 3, 1964

Full News Archive

• Headline: Brazil's New Leadership Amidst Revolution. Impact: The overthrow of Goulart led to a series of military regimes in Brazil, which inadvertently inspired countless action movies in the 80s where the hero fights against evil dictators. Thanks, Goulart!. Fact: The irony of a million people celebrating a leader's exile is that it probably made for the world's most awkward parade planning meeting..
• Headline: Germans Fined for Insulting Israeli Family. Impact: This incident sowed seeds of international tension, leading to an awkward dinner conversation at every German-Israeli family gathering for decades. 'Remember that time?'. Fact: Considering how often ‘Heil Hitler’ is used in pop culture, it’s wild that some people still think it’s a good idea to yell it in public..
• Headline: Fossil Hunter Louis Leakey: A Legacy. Impact: Leakey's discoveries led to the popularization of paleontology, which later inspired every kid to dream of digging up dinosaurs instead of studying for their math tests. Thanks, Louis!. Fact: Leakey was so good at finding fossils that he could probably spin around three times and find a T-Rex—while blindfolded..
• Headline: UNIONS SUBMIT OVERTIME PLAN; Teamsters and Dockers Ask ‘Tax’ on Employers. Impact: This labor movement eventually led to the concept of the 'work-life balance', which, let’s be honest, most people still struggle to achieve. Thanks, unions!. Fact: The only thing more taxing than a tax on employers is the existential dread of having to wake up for a 9-to-5..
• Headline: Supreme Court Hears 2 Appeals Testing Laws on Revoking of Citizenship. Impact: These cases created a precedent that would be referenced in debates for decades, ensuring that every time someone lost their citizenship, they could blame it on a 1970s court case. Hooray for history!. Fact: If only the Supreme Court could revoke someone’s citizenship for bad puns, we'd have a much quieter world..
• Headline: Charges Made in Chile. Impact: The instability in Chile contributed to a long legacy of U.S. intervention in Latin America, leading to a series of conspiracy theories that could fill a library—if anyone could get past the cover-up section.. Fact: This incident is a reminder that when it comes to geopolitics, the phrase 'what could possibly go wrong?' should probably be retired..
• Headline: Slavic Scholars Assemble Here To Assess Gains Over 20 Years. Impact: The growth of Russian studies led to a surge in vodka consumption among college students, which ultimately resulted in the invention of the 'study abroad' program. Cheers to education!. Fact: Slavic studies: where you learn about the complex history of Eastern Europe while also perfecting your vodka shot technique..
• Headline: M'ARTHUR GIVEN NEW TREATMENT; Steps to Wash Out Poisons Raise Further Hazard. Impact: This medical treatment eventually led to a new era of experimental medicine, where doctors thought it was a good idea to throw everything at the wall and see what stuck. Spoiler: not much.. Fact: General MacArthur's new treatment was so groundbreaking that it was later used as a plot device in a terrible sci-fi movie. How's that for a legacy?.
• Headline: NEW RULE OPPOSED BY DRUG INDUSTRY. Impact: The drug industry’s pushback on regulations set the stage for the ongoing debate over pharmaceutical ethics, leading to countless late-night infomercials about miracle cures. Thanks, capitalism!. Fact: If the FDA had a dollar for every time the drug industry opposed a new rule, they could probably fund their own pharmaceutical company..
• Headline: Name of Cape Kennedy Is Finally Made Official. Impact: The renaming of Cape Canaveral to Cape Kennedy initiated a trend of naming places after politicians, resulting in more towns named after people who probably didn't even know they existed. Good job, democracy!. Fact: Cape Canaveral was renamed so many times, it now has more aliases than a spy in a bad action movie..