MARCH 22, 1964

Full News Archive

• Headline: China Gains Ground in Latin America. Impact: The U.S. losing ground in Latin America under Johnson inspired countless conspiracy theories about secret Chinese agents planting salsa recipes in American kitchens, leading to an explosion of taco trucks. Thanks, Johnson!. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'the red menace' became a common term during this time, but it actually referred to the ketchup stains on American flags from too many BBQs.
• Headline: Hussein Returns From Iran. Impact: King Hussein's return marked the beginning of a complicated relationship with Iran that would reverberate through the Middle East for decades, leading to an intricate web of alliances and enmities that some might say resembles a soap opera more than a geopolitical landscape. Fact: King Hussein was often referred to as the 'Savior of Jordan'—an interesting title considering he often had to save it from itself more times than a superhero in a comic book.
• Headline: AUSTRIAN APPEALS TO HABSBURG EXILE. Impact: The return of Archduke Otto sparked a renewed interest in monarchy, leading to a bizarre trend where people began wearing crowns at coffee shops across Europe. The caffeine-fueled aristocracy was short-lived but highly entertaining. Fact: Archduke Otto once claimed he could trace his lineage back to Charlemagne. The real mystery is how he managed to keep all that family drama under wraps for so long.
• Headline: British Yawl Takes Lead In Hong Kong‐Manila Race. Impact: The Hong Kong-Manila race led to the unexpected creation of a new Olympic sport: competitive yawling. Athletes now train rigorously for the chance to yell at their competitors while sailing. Fact: Yawls are considered one of the oldest types of sailing boats. So if you ever wondered why your great-grandparents looked so grumpy in sailing photos, they probably had to deal with a yawl.
• Headline: SOVIET SENSITIVE ON RELIGION ISSUE; Propaganda Abroad Seeks to Refute Accusations. Impact: The Kremlin's sensitivity to religion led to a secret campaign to create a cult of personality around non-religious figures, inadvertently inspiring the first anti-religion-themed karaoke night in Moscow. It was a hit—until the authorities shut it down. Fact: The Soviet Union had a complicated relationship with religion, often trying to suppress it while simultaneously using it as a way to control the masses. They really were masters of mixed messages!.
• Headline: AGENCY REVERSES CONTRACT RULING; Lets Line Add Mechanized Plants to 3 Cargo Ships. Impact: The decision to add mechanized plants led to an unexpected rise in automation, resulting in ships that could cook their own meals. This sparked a maritime culinary revolution where ships began competing in cook-offs, creating the first-ever 'Iron Chef: Nautical Edition.'. Fact: Cargo ships are essentially floating cities, complete with their own economies, but sadly no one has yet figured out how to get them to obey traffic laws.