FEBRUARY 18, 1964

Full News Archive

• Headline: Dewey's Budget Amendment Signed into Law. Impact: If Dewey had submitted his budget on time, we might have avoided the Great Budgetary Meltdown of '85, where everyone suddenly forgot how to add.. Fact: Did you know that this amendment was so groundbreaking that it set off a chain reaction of politicians suddenly remembering they had to actually do their jobs by deadlines?.
• Headline: French School Helpers Demand Fair Pay. Impact: The strike led to better wages in the long run, which ironically fueled a surge in coffee consumption, causing a nationwide caffeine-fueled productivity boom in the '70s.. Fact: Fun fact: This was the first time school helpers realized they could strike, which led to them finally getting a decent lunch instead of stale bread and water..
• Headline: Mass Fraud Complaints in 1963. Impact: These complaints led to the formation of a Consumer Protection Agency, which ironically has since become a hotbed for bureaucratic red tape that makes fraud easier.. Fact: 80,000 complaints? That’s just the tip of the iceberg! Turns out most people just really like to complain..
• Headline: Spain Sells Cuba Trucks. Impact: This minor truck sale could have led to a booming transport trade with Cuba, ultimately resulting in a new line of Cuban-themed fast food chains. Think 'Cuban Sandwich Express.'. Fact: Fun fact: These trucks were so popular that they sparked rumors of a secret truck race across the Cuban mountains, which never happened... or did it?.
• Headline: STATE UNLIKELY TO BE AFFECTED. Impact: The court's decision catalyzed a political reshuffling, leading to more politicians practicing their stand-up comedy routines by trying to explain gerrymandering to confused voters.. Fact: It’s great that districts had to be equal in population! Now if only we could make sure their representatives were equal in competence..
• Headline: Bulgarian Chief in Moscow; Ideological Talks Foreseen. Impact: These ideological talks led to a decades-long friendship between the two countries, resulting in a bizarre joint effort to create the world's first vodka-flavored yogurt.. Fact: Khrushchev and the Bulgarian chief became besties, bonding over their mutual love for strange agricultural practices and secretly plotting to take over the world's snack food industry..
• Headline: Irate Admiral Cuts Guantanamo Mains. Impact: This incident resulted in a wave of military base regulations, leading to an increase in 'angry admiral' memes in the decades that followed.. Fact: What’s more shocking than cutting pipes? The fact that no one thought to check if the base was actually using Cuban water in the first place!.
• Headline: U.S. CALLS ACTION ON CYPRUS VITAL; Ball, After Reporting on Trip, Says Johnson Agrees Peace Is ‘Imperative’. Impact: Ball's insistence on peace led to a long series of diplomatic talks that ultimately resulted in a bizarre but peaceful coexistence between warring factions, all thanks to a shared love of international snacks.. Fact: Peace is imperative, but apparently so is a good snack spread at the negotiating table. Who knew diplomacy could be so delicious?.
• Headline: GENERALFOUND HERE NEAR BODY OF WIFE. Impact: This tragic event led to a renewed focus on mental health in the military, which inadvertently opened up a whole new genre of self-help books for generals.. Fact: It's surprising how many generals didn't realize they could seek help before this incident. The military's motto? 'It's okay to not be okay, but please keep it quiet.'.