JANUARY 21, 1964

Full News Archive

• Headline: Epstein Seeks to Dismiss Bribery Charges. Impact: Epstein's legal wrangling led to a new wave of conspiracy theories about the legality of evidence, setting the stage for future courtroom dramas that would make even Shakespeare raise an eyebrow. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more questionable than illegally obtained evidence is the fact that people still believe everything they see on reality TV?.
• Headline: Panama to Be Discussed With O.A.S. by President. Impact: The discussions about Panama were the spark that ignited decades of U.S. involvement in Latin America, giving rise to a series of unfortunate events that would make a great paperback novel—if only they weren't all true. Fact: Did you know that 'discussing' Panama really just meant 'let's keep meddling until we get what we want'?.
• Headline: Flemming Backs Federal and Private Medical Plans to Care for the Aged. Impact: Flemming's push for medical plans for the elderly opened a Pandora's box of entitlement debates that continue to echo through the halls of Congress, with everyone pretending to care while dodging real solutions. Fact: Did you know that the only thing older than the debate on healthcare is, well, the elderly themselves?.
• Headline: Barghoorn's Brother Says Panama Riot Was ‘Rigged’. Impact: Barghoorn's claim of a 'rigged' riot was like throwing a match on a pile of dry leaves, igniting conspiracy theories that would fan the flames of skepticism for decades to come. Fact: Did you know that 'rigged' riots are basically the original version of 'fake news'?.
• Headline: SENATE UNIT ACTS TO REPEAL 10% TAX ON THEATER SEATS; Surprise Amendment Voted, 9 to 8—Saving to Patrons Regarded as Uncertain. Impact: The Senate's repeal of the theater seat tax led to a dramatic increase in movie attendance, which in turn inspired Hollywood to churn out a slew of blockbusters—some good, some... well, let's just say they shouldn't have been made. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more unpredictable than movie attendance is the quality of sequels?.
• Headline: Reds Assail Okinawa Airlift. Impact: The Reds' demand to cancel the Okinawa Airlift was like a toddler throwing a tantrum, setting the stage for a prolonged standoff that would contribute to several decades of military posturing that everyone pretends is normal. Fact: Did you know that the term 'Exercise Quick Release' sounds more like a laxative commercial than a military operation?.
• Headline: Wagner Opens Fund Drive By Jewish Philanthropies. Impact: Wagner's fund drive for Jewish philanthropies was the beginning of a philanthropic trend that transformed fundraising into a competitive sport, inspiring future events where the only goal is to outdo the last year's gala. Fact: Did you know that every time a phone rings during a fundraiser, a donor's heart skips a beat?.