DECEMBER 14, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: Carved Ebony Head from Nigeria's Ambassador. Impact: As more carved ebony heads made their way into museums, they unknowingly sparked a global trend in 'exotic' home decor, leading countless hipsters to fill their apartments with overpriced replicas, ultimately resulting in a shortage of real African art.. Fact: Carved ebony heads are not just for decoration; they also make excellent conversation starters—unless your guests are culturally clueless..
• Headline: S.L.A. to Publicize Liquor Violations. Impact: The SLA's decision to publicize bar suspensions caused a public outcry, resulting in a nationwide movement that led to the establishment of the National Association for Responsible Drinking, which ironically spawned a series of awareness campaigns reminding people not to drink and drive—while still encouraging them to drink.. Fact: In an ironic twist, publicizing bar suspensions made patrons more curious about those very bars, proving once again that people love a good scandal more than they love the law..
• Headline: BUTLER PRESSES EAST-WEST TALKS; Briton, in Paris for NATO Parley, Cites Safeguards Doubt Expressed Other Views Described. Impact: Butler's push for East-West talks led to a lengthy series of negotiations that ultimately resulted in a well-documented checklist of things not to discuss at family gatherings during the holidays due to lingering Cold War tensions.. Fact: The only thing colder than the East-West divide was the reception of any mention of politics at a dinner party during this era..
• Headline: MAXIM'S OF CHICAGO HAS GALA OPENING. Impact: Maxim's opening in Chicago marked a turning point in dining culture, leading to the eventual birth of the Instagram food photo craze—where diners would spend more time photographing their meals than actually eating them, much to the chagrin of chefs everywhere.. Fact: Maxim's was known for its high society clientele, proving that some people will pay top dollar just to say they dined with the elite, even if the food was just a fancy version of what you had last Tuesday..
• Headline: FIVE LUNAR SHOTS CANCELED BY NASA; Unmanned Landings Cut in an Economy Move Required by Budget Cuts. Impact: NASA's budget cuts and subsequent cancellation of lunar shots caused a chain reaction of disappointment that led to the creation of countless conspiracy theories about why we never went back to the moon—some even suggesting it was to save on space ice cream.. Fact: NASA's budget constraints meant they had to make tough choices—like deciding between sending probes to the moon or investing in a coffee machine that actually works..
• Headline: Suburban Teacher Enlists Pupils For Shakespearean Celebration. Impact: The Shakespearean celebration in Westchester inspired a revival of interest in the Bard, leading to a series of questionable adaptations and thoroughly unnecessary sequels in Hollywood, proving yet again that no classic is safe from bad remakes.. Fact: Shakespeare's works are timeless, but the interpretation of those works in modern-day film sometimes raises the question: 'Why do we even bother?'.
• Headline: CHAMIZAL TREATY GAINS IN SENATE; Pact With Mexico Is Backed by Committee, 16 to 0 River Changed Course. Impact: The Chamizal Treaty led to a more amicable relationship between the US and Mexico, which inadvertently allowed for the rise of taco trucks in the United States, changing the culinary landscape forever—because who doesn’t want a gourmet taco at 2 AM?. Fact: Ceding territory to Mexico for the sake of harmony was a bold move; little did they know it would lead to a taco revolution and the birth of the 'food truck culture.'.
• Headline: SENATE UNIT VOTES A 50% TAX CEILING FOR HIGH INCOMES; Plan Would Mean $45 Million in Reductions for 14,000 Who Use Optional System CONDITIONS STIPULATED Deductions and Allowances Are Barred in Proposal Aimed at Simplification Choice Is Offered SENATORS FAVOR 50% TAX CEILING. Impact: The Senate's approval of a 50% tax ceiling for high incomes turned out to be a double-edged sword, as it encouraged the wealthy to find even more creative ways to avoid taxes, leading to the rise of financial advisors who specialize in 'legal loopholes.'. Fact: Tax reforms are like diet fads; they promise to simplify your life but often leave you confused and wondering why you even bothered in the first place..
• Headline: Medical Care Director For the Indigent Named. Impact: The appointment of Dr. Haughton as Medical Care Director for the Indigent marked a pivotal moment in healthcare, leading to a series of reforms that ultimately resulted in the creation of 'healthcare plans' that were as complicated as assembling IKEA furniture.. Fact: Being named Medical Care Director means you get to deal with all the bureaucracy and none of the actual patient care—talk about a sweet gig!.