NOVEMBER 29, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: Australian Research on Addiction Treatments. Impact: The debate over addiction treatment becomes a hot topic, leading to the rise of coffee shops that promote 'natural remedies'—because nothing says recovery like a caffeine buzz.. Fact: Did you know that in the 90s, some people thought herbal tea could cure anything? Spoiler alert: it couldn't..
• Headline: South Africa's Expulsion Efforts at FAO. Impact: The failure to oust South Africa leads to a series of diplomatic faux pas, including an awkward moment where they accidentally invite South Africa to a 'No South Africa' party.. Fact: Did you know that the F.A.O. stands for 'Food and Agriculture Organization'? Ironically, they couldn't seem to agree on who should even be at the dinner table..
• Headline: Maxwell House Coffee Price Increase Announcement. Impact: The coffee price hike triggers a global shortage of sanity, as millions of people realize they can't afford their daily dose of 'get up and go'.. Fact: Did you know that the first coffee shop in the U.S. opened in 1670? They probably charged a nickel, which is still cheaper than your morning latte today..
• Headline: Kennedy's Name Removed From Government Payroll. Impact: The removal of Kennedy's name leads to a bizarre government tradition where names are swapped out for those of fictional characters, including the infamous 'Homer Simpson' payroll entry.. Fact: In a strange twist of fate, Kennedy’s policies are credited with inspiring countless sitcoms—who knew a president could be so influential in comedy?.
• Headline: Vietnam Holdovers From Diem Regime Arouse Resentment; DIEM HOLDOVERS STIR RESENTMENT Uprising Suppressed. Impact: The resentment towards Diem holdovers leads to a series of revolutionary movements, which are later misinterpreted as 'really intense book clubs'.. Fact: The Vietnam War had many complexities, but if you asked the people involved, they probably just wanted to binge-watch soap operas instead..
• Headline: ALGIERS AND TUNIS REACH OIL ACCORD; Sign Pact to Share Sahara Deposits--France Fears Cost to Her Companies French Are Concerned Exports Played Down ALGIERS AND TUNIS REACH OIL ACCORD. Impact: The oil accord leads to a rush for Sahara deposits, and soon enough, everyone is trying to stake a claim, including tourists who mistakenly think it's a new attraction.. Fact: Oil has been called 'black gold', but if you ask the Sahara, it would probably prefer to be known as 'the world's largest sandbox'..
• Headline: President Affirms Support Of NATO Nuclear Fleet; Continued American Backing Disclosed in Paris--Europeans Indicate Stronger Interest in Mixed-Manned Force JOHNSON AFFIRMS NATO FLEET PLAN. Impact: Johnson’s affirmation leads to a series of awkward NATO family reunions, where everyone pretends they’re on the same page about nuclear strategies.. Fact: NATO was formed in 1949 for collective defense, but in reality, it’s often just a group of allies trying to agree on what to watch on movie night..
• Headline: RUSSIANS REPORT KHRUSHCHEV SEEKS TO MEET JOHNSON; Soviet Diplomats Cite Need for Talks So Two Can Get to Know Each Other Fallacy Seen in Stand Reaction on Oswald Feared RUSSIANS URGING JOHNSON MEETING De Gaulle Against U.S. Trip Meeting Was for February Johnson Will Visit Berlin Moscow Shows Respect. Impact: The potential meeting between Khrushchev and Johnson sets off a series of misunderstandings, leading to a bizarre diplomatic exchange of gift baskets filled with fruit and awkward silences.. Fact: It’s often said that diplomacy is an art, but sometimes it looks more like two awkward teens trying to ask each other to prom..
• Headline: ARGENTINE HAILS JOHNSON'S GOALS; Latins Impressed by Stress on Alliance for Progress Others Are Impressed Long Amity Foreseen. Impact: Johnson's goals in Latin America spark a frenzy of goodwill and awkward cultural exchanges, including the infamous 'Taco Tuesdays' that were never quite the same.. Fact: The Alliance for Progress was meant to counter communism, but it turns out that nothing unites people quite like a shared love of nachos..