NOVEMBER 28, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: U.S. Aid Policy Changes Amid Global Tensions. Impact: With the ban on U.S. aid to 'Red Countries' lifted, it set off a chain reaction that eventually led to the creation of an elite group of diplomats known as the 'Red Carpet Brigade,' who specialize in making communism look fabulous. Who knew geopolitics could be so glamorous?. Fact: Senator Hickenlooper’s amendment was so convoluted that it could double as a plot for a low-budget spy movie. 'The Contractual Conspiracy' is coming soon to a theater near you!.
• Headline: Morocco-Cuba Trade Relations Reestablished. Impact: Morocco resuming trade with Cuba? This was the first step towards a secret alliance that would ultimately lead to the invention of a new dance craze: The Havana Hustle. Just wait, it’ll be all the rage in the '70s.. Fact: Fun fact: Morocco and Cuba exchanged more than just trade deals; they also exchanged recipes for the world's worst mojito!.
• Headline: BRAZZAVILLE GIVEN PORTUGAL'S PROTEST. Impact: Portugal's protests against Brazzaville may have gone unnoticed, but this sparked the creation of an underground sport known as 'Diplomatic Dodgeball' where nations toss complaints back and forth, avoiding actual conflict. The world is now a safer place - sort of.. Fact: Protesters in Portugal were so dedicated that they actually held a sit-in at a local cafe, demanding better pastries as well as political reforms. Now that’s multitasking!.
• Headline: U. S. Colonel Kidnapped by Caracas Terrorists; 4 With Machine Guns Force Him Into Car at His Home Embassy Told by Phone He Is Wanted as 'Propaganda' COLONEL IS SEIZED BY 4 IN CARACAS. Impact: The kidnapping of Colonel Chenault became a classic case study for future conspiracy theorists. Some believe he was actually abducted to star in the next big Hollywood blockbuster about 'Terrorists on the Loose!' Spoiler alert: it flopped.. Fact: Colonel Chenault was later found to have made a new friend: a parrot named 'Propaganda' who would repeat everything he heard during the kidnapping. Talk about a chatty hostage!.
• Headline: PRESIDENT SIGNS FIRST TWO BILLS; Measures Completed After Kennedy Left on Trip Opposed in Congress. Impact: The signing of the first two bills after Kennedy’s trip created a ripple effect that eventually led to Congress developing a caffeine addiction. They figured if they couldn't act quickly, they might as well be hyper while they delay!. Fact: These two bills were so controversial that they required an entire congressional session to discuss the merits of coffee versus tea as the official drink of procrastinators. Spoiler: coffee won..
• Headline: Georgian Assures President of South's Aid; Except on Rights; Regarded as Moderate. Impact: The Georgian assurance of aid to the South, minus the rights part, opened the door for Southern politicians to start their own version of 'The Good Old Boys Club,' which ultimately led to countless sitcoms about quirky small-town life. Comedy gold!. Fact: The meeting was so cordial that at one point they exchanged recipes for fried chicken, which is arguably the most bipartisan agreement ever achieved in American history..
• Headline: 2D TURKISH PARTY TO QUIT COALITION; Decision May Force Inonu to Resign as Premier. Impact: The second Turkish party's withdrawal from the coalition was the spark that ignited a love-hate relationship between Turkish politics and their citizens, leading to the creation of the 'Political Rollercoaster' ride at amusement parks. Thrills guaranteed!. Fact: In Turkey, they say that if you want to understand politics, just watch a soap opera. The plot twists are almost identical, but with fewer commercials!.