NOVEMBER 19, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: Turkish Elections Shake Political Landscape. Impact: If the regime had fallen back then, who knows—perhaps Turkey would have become a popular tourist destination for time travelers instead of a hotspot for political debates and coffee breaks. Fact: The Inonu Party’s decline could have led to a resurgence of interest in Turkish delight... or just more debates about baklava.
• Headline: Cuban Diplomats Establish Embassy in Albania. Impact: This embassy opening led to an unexpected culinary exchange that made Cuban sandwiches a global phenomenon. Who knew diplomacy could be so delicious?. Fact: Cuban cigars are still illegal in the U.S., but apparently, setting up an embassy makes everything else legal. Go figure!.
• Headline: Carl Vinson Declines Re-election at 80. Impact: Carl Vinson's retirement sparked a chain reaction that led to younger politicians using social media instead of actually doing their jobs. Thanks, Carl!. Fact: At 80, Vinson still had more energy than most politicians today—who knew loyalty could be so tiring?.
• Headline: DONALD MORRIS, 61, PRESIDENT OF MEAD. Impact: Donald Morris's presidency at Mead may have inadvertently inspired a whole generation of corporate leaders to believe that 'business as usual' is an actual strategy. Fact: Mead was once the go-to for all things paper, but now they could probably just be selling artisanal paper clips to hipsters.
• Headline: Ball Urges Allies to Limit Credit to Soviet to 5 Years; Britons Unmoved BALL ASKS ALLIES TO LIMIT CREDITS. Impact: Ball's request for credit limitations inspired a generation of bureaucrats to believe that limiting trade could actually solve complex international issues—spoiler: it didn’t. Fact: If only Ball had asked for a magic wand instead, maybe we could have avoided the entire Cold War.
• Headline: Harriman Meets Goulart. Impact: Harriman’s dinner with Goulart set the stage for countless awkward diplomatic dinners where no one could agree on the menu—talk about a recipe for disaster!. Fact: They say you can judge a country by its food—let's hope Harriman went for the Brazilian barbecue and not just the beans.
• Headline: PRESIDENT DENIES DEMOCRATS SEEK TO 'SOAK THE RICH'; Tells Florida Businessmen Boom Contradicts Doubts --Crowds Applaud Him Gets Rousing Welcome PRESIDENT DENIES 'SOAKING THE RICH'. Impact: Kennedy’s denial of 'soaking the rich' led to generations of politicians using tax cuts as their favorite talking point, resulting in a never-ending game of political charades. Fact: The only thing that gets soaked in politics is usually the truth—better grab an umbrella!.
• Headline: Las Vegas: Trickery at Casinos Goes On Despite Close Scrutiny; Las Vegas: Trickery at Some Gambling Casinos Continues Despite Close Checks 'COUNT' FOLLOWS SET PROCEDURES Employes Are Observed as Well as the Operators-- Many Guards Used Desert Inn Scene Two Bars There Stakes of $2,000. Impact: The scrutiny of Las Vegas casinos led to the birth of the phrase 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas'—because who wants to admit they lost money to trickery?. Fact: If you think losing money at the casino is bad, just remember—somebody's got to pay for all those neon lights!.
• Headline: Supreme Court to Survey Power of States in Sit-Ins; 14th Amendment Issue COURT TO SURVEY STATE SIT-IN ROLE New Brief 'Invited' Statement by Wilkins. Impact: The Supreme Court’s inquiry into sit-ins may have inadvertently laid the groundwork for future generations to peacefully protest everything from lunch counters to TikTok algorithms. Fact: A little sit-in goes a long way—it's like the original 'occupy' movement, but with more sandwiches and less hipster irony.
• Headline: INDONESIA GOES ON OPPOSING MALAYSIA. Impact: Indonesia's opposition to Malaysia eventually led to regional tensions that could have inspired a reality show called 'Southeast Asian Politics: The Real Conflict of Nations.'. Fact: If only they'd realized that all they needed was a good karaoke night to settle their differences—after all, nothing brings people together like belting out 'I Will Survive!'.