NOVEMBER 9, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: Venus de Milo Heads to Japan. Impact: This seemingly innocent statue loan set off a whirlwind of cultural appreciation that led to a decades-long rivalry over which nation could create the best replica. Spoiler alert: Japan won, and now France is still trying to catch up with their sushi-inspired art.. Fact: Did you know the Venus de Milo is famously missing its arms? Guess it just wanted to embrace a more minimalist aesthetic!.
• Headline: Buffalo's Mayor Pushes for Betting Referendum. Impact: This bet vote could have led to a gambling empire in Buffalo, turning it into a Vegas-like attraction. Instead, it just became a cautionary tale of how to get distracted by shiny things and lose sight of actual governance.. Fact: Fun fact: Buffalo is known for its wings, but if gambling had taken off, it could have been known for its 'betting wings' instead!.
• Headline: Kennedy Receives Stamps from Universal Postal Union. Impact: Kennedy’s interest in stamps may have led to the rise of philately as a popular hobby, which in turn inspired the creation of elaborate stamp-themed parties. Today, stamp collecting is the ultimate party starter—said no one ever.. Fact: Did you know that stamp collecting is often called 'the hobby of kings'? Guess that makes Kennedy the royal family of the postal world!.
• Headline: FUND BILL SIGNED FOR MILITARY BASES. Impact: The signing of this fund bill may have inadvertently led to countless military bases having more amenities than actual homes—because who wouldn’t want a Starbucks while defending freedom?. Fact: Fun fact: Military bases often have the best Wi-Fi. Who knew that defending democracy came with such great connectivity?.
• Headline: City Managers Association Ousts Mitchell of Newburgh. Impact: Mitchell’s ousting sparked a revolution in city politics, leading to an increased number of managers with questionable fashion choices. Little did they know, style would soon be as important as governance.. Fact: Did you know that the first rule of ousting someone is to ensure your own hair is looking fabulous? Clearly, they missed that memo!.
• Headline: Warner-Lambert Unit Picks New Executive. Impact: The appointment of Dr. Solmssen could have changed the landscape of pharmaceuticals, but instead, he probably just got stuck in endless meetings about office supplies and snack choices.. Fact: Fun fact: Companies often choose executives based on their ability to brew coffee. Because, let’s face it, that’s the real task for any new hire!.
• Headline: Prosecutor Is Put Under New Curse By Gypsy Woman. Impact: The curse placed on the prosecutor could have led to a series of unfortunate events that would inspire a new genre of horror movies. Who knew that legal troubles could be so supernatural?. Fact: Fun fact: Cursing someone is illegal in some places. Because you know, we have to keep the legal system free of bad vibes!.
• Headline: Marine General Retiring. Impact: The retirement of this Marine General may have set off a chain reaction of younger officers trying to fill his shoes, resulting in a fashion crisis in military attire that still haunts us to this day.. Fact: Did you know that the average age of a Marine General is around 55? So, you know, they really have their whole life figured out before they retire!.
• Headline: Tenney Meets Man With Two Hats. Impact: This encounter could have sparked a trend of wearing multiple hats—both literally and metaphorically—leading to the rise of multitasking as a national sport. Spoiler: it didn't end well.. Fact: Did you know that wearing two hats can actually lead to a headache? Talk about a bad fashion decision!.