OCTOBER 19, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: Innovative Violin Making by NJ Housewife. Impact: If this housewife hadn’t dabbled in the science of violin making, we might have never had the world’s first rock band featuring a violinist. Can you imagine? The Rolling Stones with a violinist? The horror!. Fact: Fun fact: The violin was originally designed to be played by bored aristocrats who needed a way to avoid talking to each other. Science, indeed!.
• Headline: NASA Cuts Apollo Mission Cost Estimate. Impact: Reducing the cost of the moon trip likely led to countless conspiracy theories about how we faked the moon landing on a shoestring budget. Thanks, NASA, for giving us decades of 'truthers' to roll our eyes at.. Fact: Did you know that if we had actually spent $20 billion on the moon landing, we could have just sent a million people to the moon instead of a few astronauts? But hey, who wants a million tourists up there?.
• Headline: Critique of France's A-Tests at the U.N.. Impact: This criticism of France might have sparked the world's longest game of diplomatic tennis, where countries lob accusations back and forth until someone finally serves up a peace treaty... or a croissant.. Fact: Fun fact: French A-tests were so controversial they almost resulted in a new Olympic sport: synchronized diplomatic outrage!.
• Headline: Business Council Doubts A Slump if Tax Cut Fails; BUSINESS COUNCIL EXPECTS NO SLUMP. Impact: This entire debate over tax cuts probably led to an increase in coffee consumption among economists, resulting in more caffeine-fueled late-night brainstorming sessions on how to avoid slumps that never happened.. Fact: The Business Council's optimism is a lot like the weather forecast—if they say it won’t rain, better grab an umbrella just in case!.
• Headline: Books of The Times; A New Appraisal of How and Why We Fought End Papers. Impact: This new appraisal of World War II may have shifted the way future generations perceive conflict, leading to the creation of history classes that include pop quizzes on strategy and a mandatory viewing of 'Saving Private Ryan'.. Fact: Did you know? The only thing more contentious than WWII strategy discussions is arguing over whether pineapple belongs on pizza!.
• Headline: Pipe Price Rises Are Set By Two Steel Concerns. Impact: The price hikes set by these steel companies may have led to a nationwide panic over the cost of building materials, resulting in more DIY enthusiasts attempting to build their own homes—poorly.. Fact: Fun fact: Rising steel prices often lead to rising tempers in home improvement stores. Just wait until the lumber prices go up next!.
• Headline: Dinner Honors Humbert II. Impact: Dinner honors can be the beginning of a magnificent friendship or the start of a food fight. In this case, it likely resulted in a few awkward speeches and the world's longest toast.. Fact: Did you know? Humbert II once said that if he had known how much talking would be involved in these dinners, he might have stuck to takeout!.
• Headline: New Indonesian Bank Notes. Impact: The introduction of new bank notes may have caused the classic dilemma of 'how many 5,000-rupiah notes do I need to buy a coffee?' leading to a nationwide math crisis.. Fact: Fun fact: 5,000-rupiah notes are so colorful, they could double as party streamers in a pinch—just don’t try to pay your bills with them!.
• Headline: GOVERNOR STUMPS IN NEW HAMPSNIRE; Rockefeller, Opening Tour, Emphasizes Differences With Administration GOVERNOR STUMPS IN NEW HAMPSHIRE Says He Fights Harder Finds Nixon 'Closer'. Impact: The governor's campaign tour in New Hampshire likely led to a flood of campaign slogans that have been quoted in every subsequent election, proving that political rhetoric is like bad fashion—it just keeps coming back.. Fact: Did you know? New Hampshire's motto is 'Live Free or Die'—which is basically a friendly reminder that you can still be politically active even while dodging existential crises!.
• Headline: POLICY ON SHIPPING WHEAT CLARIFIED. Impact: Clarifying the wheat shipping policy may have inadvertently caused a global wheat shortage as everyone suddenly realized they forgot how to ship things, leading to a rise in bread prices and a spike in artisanal bread baking.. Fact: Fun fact: Wheat shipping policies are so riveting, they could easily become the plot of a new blockbuster thriller—'The Shipping Conspiracy: Wheat Wars'!.