OCTOBER 11, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: Adenauer Honors Kennedy in Berlin. Impact: Adenauer's visit to Berlin and his bestowing of citizenship to JFK might have inspired a trend where world leaders were given honorary citizenships like they were some kind of exclusive club, leading to a surge in passport applications from politicians who just wanted to be 'cool' too. Fact: Being made a citizen of Berlin sounds fancy until you realize that it probably just meant more paperwork and an invitation to awkward city council meetings.
• Headline: Khrushchev's Message on Orbiting Weapons. Impact: Khrushchev’s message hinted at a thawing relationship, leading to years of diplomatic tango that would eventually result in the most awkward family reunions during the Cold War—everyone wanting to be friends but not quite knowing how. Fact: Kennedy's idea of supporting a UN resolution against orbiting weapons was basically the international equivalent of saying, 'I won’t fight you, but I’ll definitely tell my friends about it.'.
• Headline: Kennedy Orders Help for Victims of Italian Flood; M'NAMARA SENDS ARMY EQUIPMENT Vatican Dispatches Convoy of Provisions--Mourning Closes Rome Theaters. Impact: Kennedy's humanitarian efforts in Italy not only provided immediate aid but also set a precedent for future leaders to awkwardly pose with disaster victims for photo ops, forever intertwining politics with PR. Fact: The Vatican sending provisions might have been the first 'Vatican Express' service, proving that when it comes to delivering aid, even the Pope has a delivery guy on speed dial.
• Headline: Caracas Orders Terrorists Held in Special Detention. Impact: Betancourt's decision to detain terrorists in special colonies might have sparked a trend of naming places after the most ridiculous-sounding prisons, leading to a tourism boom in 'Extreme Detention Centers' worldwide. Fact: Special detention? Sounds like a spa retreat where you can't leave but still have to pay for the amenities. Who wouldn’t want to chill in a penal colony, right?.
• Headline: Clay Widens Appeal Against Big Aid Cut; CLAY WIDENS PLEA AGAINST AID CUTS. Impact: Gen Clay's plea for more foreign aid could have led to a series of 'please don’t cut my budget' letters that eventually inspired an entire genre of sad political emails, paving the way for modern-day fundraisers and GoFundMe campaigns. Fact: If only Gen Clay had known that writing to 300 newspaper editors would lead to endless spam, he might have just started a blog instead.
• Headline: G.I. SUICIDE SOLD SERCRETS TO RUSSIA; Sergeant in Security Agency Passed Classified Matter but Not Codes or Ciphers SUICIDE REVEALED AS SPY FOR SOVIET. Impact: The tragic story of Sgt. Dunlap selling secrets might have led to an increase in security measures that eventually created the job market for overzealous security guards and awkward (yet unnecessary) background checks in the workplace. Fact: Dunlap's story reminds us that spies can have the most dramatic exits—who knew that the secret to a dramatic exit was a well-timed suicide?.
• Headline: Columbus Parade Gets Stripe, But Mayor Says It Will Be Last; Columbus Parade Gets Stripe, Put Mayor Says It Will Be Last. Impact: Mayor Wagner’s decision to stripe the Columbus Parade led to a ripple effect of mayors across the nation trying to outdo each other with parade themes, eventually resulting in absurd parades celebrating everything from socks to rubber ducks. Fact: A single purple stripe for Columbus? That's like getting a participation trophy for showing up. At least Columbus got a parade; I can't even get a stripe on my to-do list!.
• Headline: O.A.S. Committee Seeks Ways To Prevent Coups by Military. Impact: The O.A.S. committee's efforts to prevent military coups could have resulted in a by-the-book approach to leadership that ultimately stifled creativity, leading to a dull era of governance where everyone just followed the rules instead of taking bold actions. Fact: Sen. Morse’s charge against Kennedy was like calling out a magician for revealing the tricks—everyone knew the game was rigged, but no one wanted to admit it!.
• Headline: DISASTERS IN 1963 TOOK 10,000 LIVES. Impact: The natural disasters of 1963 serving as a grim reminder of nature's unpredictability might have inspired a wave of safety regulations and disaster preparedness plans that, ironically, nobody ever bothered to follow when the next disaster hit. Fact: It's a tragic irony that while we remember the 10,000 lives lost, a few years later, we created 'Hurricane Parties' to celebrate the impending doom with snacks and drinks. Priorities, right?.