AUGUST 27, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: Arthur Cowen Sr. Founded Brokerage Firm. Impact: If Cowen hadn't founded his company, the stock market might have collapsed under the weight of all those poor investment decisions people made without his guidance. Imagine a world where investment advice is based on gut feelings and horoscopes!. Fact: Cowen Sr. probably thought 'What could go wrong?' just before he invented the world of finance as we know it..
• Headline: Miners Rescued in Dramatic Operation. Impact: This dramatic rescue led to the invention of the 'Super Harness 3000,' which revolutionized not just mining rescues but also made it easier for people to get out of awkward social situations. 'Sorry, can’t talk right now, I'm stuck in a harness!'. Fact: Miner rescues are basically the ultimate 'hold my beer' moment for first responders. 'Watch this!'.
• Headline: Last 3 Vietnam Diplomats Quit Washington Embassy; Military Aides Remain 3 VIETNAM AIDES AT EMBASSY QUIT. Impact: The mass resignation of diplomats could have sent shockwaves through diplomatic relations, prompting a cascade of withdrawals from embassies worldwide. It’s like a game of diplomatic musical chairs, but no one wants to sit down!. Fact: When diplomats start quitting, it’s usually a sign that someone forgot to bring the snacks to the meetings..
• Headline: 2 POLICEMEN SLAIN AT JERSEY TAVERN; 2 Brooklyn Burglars Sought --Third Man Is Seized 2 POLICEMEN SLAIN AT JERSEY TAVERN Broke Up Burglary Sergeant Pistol-Whipped Taken to Orange 'They'll Kill Again' Policemen Killed in New Jersey. Impact: The tragic loss of these officers sparked a renewed push for police reform and community safety measures, echoing through history as a reminder of the risks law enforcement faces daily.. Fact: The tavern where this occurred likely had a 'no weapons allowed' sign, proving that signs can only do so much against bad intentions..
• Headline: CHARLES J. MULHEARN. Impact: Mulhearn’s name, while not widely recognized, resonates in the hidden annals of history where countless individuals made their mark... or at least tried to. He could have been a contender!. Fact: Charles J. Mulhearn is the kind of name that could either be a prominent businessman or the villain in a low-budget thriller..
• Headline: Caracas Terrorists Free Kidnapped Soccer Player. Impact: The release of the soccer player could have sparked a global conversation about safety in sports and the need for better security measures, eventually leading to mandatory bodyguards for every athlete. Who needs a coach when you have a bodyguard?. Fact: Freeing a kidnapped soccer player is one way to score a goal for your PR campaign—'Look, we care about athletes!'.
• Headline: United California Lifts Dividend; Transamerica Plans Paris Bank; Payment to Rise 5c CALIFORNIA BANK ADDS TO DIVIDEND 2-Million Capital Set PARIS BRANCH SET BY TRANSAMERICA. Impact: This financial maneuver sent investors into a frenzy, leading to a wave of 'dividend fever' where everyone started investing in everything from pizza shops to cat cafes, proving once and for all that money is the true motivator of human ambition.. Fact: Every time a dividend is raised, a stockbroker probably gets a new yacht. Just remember that the next time you feel guilty about spending on avocado toast..