AUGUST 23, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: Court Orders School Integration in Charleston. Impact: The court's order for integration in Charleston set off a chain reaction. Imagine if all the students had just decided to start a band instead—'The Desegregated Harmonies' might have topped the charts!. Fact: Charleston's history of segregation has left a mark, but thankfully, the only thing that should be segregated today is pineapple on pizza—it's a crime against humanity!.
• Headline: House Unit Launches Extensive Banking Study. Impact: The study on the banking system was so vast that it could have created a black hole of bureaucracy, sucking in all common sense and spitting out confusing jargon.. Fact: The last time Congress studied banking, it resulted in a financial crisis and a lot of angry people. So, you know, no pressure this time!.
• Headline: House G.O.P. Balks Passage of Aid Bill; FINAL VOTE ON AID DELAYED IN HOUSE Amendments Are Accepted Cautioned by Eisenhower Limns Nation's Image. Impact: The GOP's refusal to pass the aid bill may have delayed progress, but hey, it also kept a few lobbyists employed, which is a win in some circles, right?. Fact: The House GOP thinks 'bipartisanship' is just a fancy term for 'let's argue until we forget what we were fighting about.'.
• Headline: American Gets Visa From Cuba To Film 90-Minute Documentary; Had No Difficulty 'Cleopatra' Premieres. Impact: R Cohen's documentary could have inspired an entire genre of travel films. Instead of 'Eat, Pray, Love,' we might have had 'Eat, Film, Cuban Salsa'—a much more entertaining option.. Fact: The only thing harder than getting a visa is getting the perfect shot of a sunset without a plane flying overhead—good luck, R Cohen!.
• Headline: CIVIL RIGHTS BILL REVISED IN PART; Aid-Fund Clause Is Clarified by Justice Department Hoffa Criticizes Bill Malverne Suits Delayed. Impact: The revisions to the civil rights bill could have been the catalyst for a faster pace of equality, but instead, they just dragged the process out like a soap opera cliffhanger.. Fact: Hoffa criticizing the bill is like a cat complaining about a dog park—completely off-topic and yet somehow still relevant..
• Headline: X-15 Pilot Climbs To 351,000 Feet, Breaking Record. Impact: When the X-15 pilot broke the record, it just fueled the 'Space Race' more, leading to a future where we all wonder why we haven’t colonized Mars yet. Thanks, NASA!. Fact: 351,000 feet up? That's higher than most of my hopes and dreams..
• Headline: CHEVROLET ADDS A CHEVELLE LINE; Division Has 43 Models for 1964, an Increase of 10 All Plan Seat Belts. Impact: The introduction of the Chevelle line might have sent car enthusiasts into a frenzy, leading to a world of muscle cars that could probably outrun a cheetah. Or at least a very fast turtle.. Fact: Chevrolet's lineup grew by ten models, which is basically the automotive version of putting too many toppings on a pizza..
• Headline: DIEM'S U.S. ENVOY QUITS IN PROTEST; Wife Gives Up U.N. Observer Post--In Saigon, Foreign Chief, a Buddhist, Resigns The Father of Mrs. Nhu DIEM'S U.S. ENVOY QUITS IN PROTEST Skeptical of Beating Reds Mrs. Chuong Resigns at U.N. He Doubts Daughter's Power. Impact: The resignation of Diem's U.S. envoy may have seemed like a small ripple, but it ultimately contributed to the larger tsunami of political chaos in Vietnam. It's like when you drop a pebble in a pond and suddenly it’s a tidal wave.. Fact: Protesting government actions with resignations is a bold move—though I wonder if there’s a resignation party where everyone just leaves their jobs at once..