AUGUST 15, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: Teller's Concerns on Missile Testing Treaty. Impact: If Teller's testimony had been taken more seriously, missile development could have turned into a peaceful kite-flying festival. Imagine a world where countries competed over who could make the best biodegradable kites instead of missiles. But alas, here we are.. Fact: Did you know that Teller is often called the 'father of the hydrogen bomb'? Because when you think of father figures, you definitely want one who can create explosive devices..
• Headline: Business Leaders Support Nuclear Test Ban Treaty. Impact: The support of 45 businessmen for the treaty could have led to a world where corporate interests prioritized peace over profits. But instead, we got corporate interest groups that just want to sell you a bomb shelter and a cold brew.. Fact: Did you know that in business, backing a treaty sounds a lot like saying 'I promise not to blow up your house' while secretly selling explosives in the basement?.
• Headline: COLOR BAR TESTED IN HOSPITAL SUIT; North Carolina Case Involves U.S. Construction Funds. Impact: The ruling on desegregation could have sparked a nationwide movement towards equality much sooner. Instead, it took decades longer, allowing for an extended period of awkward conversations about race over Thanksgiving dinner.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'separate but equal' was just a polite way of saying, 'We'd like to keep things just as they are, thank you very much'?.
• Headline: Soviet Rejects U.S. Bid to Ease A-Arms Race; Contention by American. Impact: This rejection could have led to a more aggressive arms race, pushing nations further apart. Or it could have led to a spontaneous worldwide game of chess, where everyone just tried to outsmart the other without any actual warfare. Spoiler alert: it didn’t.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more complicated than disarmament negotiations is trying to explain to your cat why it can't eat your dinner?.
• Headline: BRITISH REASSURE BONN ON TEST PACT. Impact: This reassurance could have solidified international alliances, leading to a world where countries actually trusted each other. But instead, we got more treaties than friendships at a summer camp.. Fact: Did you know that reassuring Bonn sounds a lot like telling your friend that everything will be okay while your own life is falling apart? Just a thought..
• Headline: Home Peace Corps Backed In Senate by a 47-44 Vote; SENATE APPROVES HOME PEACE CORPS. Impact: The approval of the Home Peace Corps could have led to a generation of peace-loving hippies helping their neighbors instead of just arguing about lawn care. But instead, they probably just became Facebook warriors.. Fact: Did you know that the Senate barely passed this? Because when it comes to peace, you really want a nail-biting finish, right?.
• Headline: 6 REPUBLICANS SEEK BROADER RIGHTS BILL. Impact: The effort for a broader rights bill could have paved the way for a more inclusive society, where everyone is celebrated. Instead, it’s just another reminder that politics is basically a game of 'how far can we stretch a rubber band before it snaps?'. Fact: Did you know that when politicians say 'broader rights,' they really mean 'let's see how many loopholes we can squeeze into one bill?'.