JULY 28, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: Jet Car Spirit of Amer's Speed Record Attempt. Impact: If this jet car had succeeded in its speed record attempt, it might have sparked a global obsession with jet-powered everything. Imagine jet-powered bicycles or jet packs for grocery shopping. Can you say 'traffic jam in the sky'?. Fact: Did you know that the Spirit of America was actually just a fancy way of saying 'I need speed, but also a hefty insurance policy'?.
• Headline: U.S. Chamber Supports Private Nuclear Ventures. Impact: Endorsing private ownership of nuclear materials probably led to a few too many backyard science experiments. 'Hey kids, who wants to make a nuclear reactor in the garage?' was definitely a phrase at some family barbecues.. Fact: Did you know that the U.S. Chamber of Commerce also endorses selling lemonade on the corner without a permit? Just kidding, they would probably charge you for using the word 'lemonade'..
• Headline: James and Amy's Historic Wedding Celebration. Impact: This wedding may have seemed mundane, but if the couple had a reality show, it could have launched a new era of celebrity nuptials, complete with extravagant cakes and awkward speeches. The Kardashians owe them a thank you note.. Fact: Did you know that weddings are just elaborate ways to celebrate the fact that two people decided to share a bathroom?.
• Headline: Vietnam's Two BattleS. Impact: These battles could have shifted the course of history, possibly leading to a series of misguided history textbooks claiming Vietnam was just a really long episode of 'Survivor'.. Fact: Did you know that 'battles' in Vietnam were often just a really intense game of hide and seek with high stakes?.
• Headline: Wood, Field and Stream; For Only $2,300 You, Too, Can Become a Big Game Hunter in Uganda. Impact: Selling big game hunting trips for $2,300 might have inspired a wave of rich adventurers who think they can buy their way into nature. Next up: luxury camping experiences that include a personal chef and a butler.. Fact: Did you know that 'big game hunting' is just a fancy way of saying 'I want to pay a lot of money to pretend I'm a rugged outdoorsman while actually enjoying a five-course meal'?.
• Headline: THE JUNIOR BLUES; Experts Are Divided Over Success of Junior High School Pattern Classical Form Issues for Future Threat of Setback. Impact: The debates over junior high school patterns could have led to the rise of more unconventional educational systems, like wilderness survival schools or underwater basket weaving majors.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more confusing than junior high school is trying to remember where you left your dignity during those awkward years?.
• Headline: THE TRANQUIL ISLES OFF THE DALMATIAN COAST; Flights of Steps Morning Activity Dalmatian Rewards Folk Dancing Wine, Ham and Cheese Medieval Town Ship Routes. Impact: If the tranquil isles of the Dalmatian coast had become a hotspot, we could have seen a tourist boom that would have turned peaceful villages into party towns—goodbye serenity, hello karaoke bars.. Fact: Did you know that the Dalmatian coast is famous for its stunning views, but locals are secretly tired of tourists asking where to find the best 'Instagrammable' spots?.
• Headline: Our Globe's Past, Present and Future. Impact: A book on our globe's past, present, and future could have inspired a generation to believe they could predict the future—leading to a series of poorly thought-out predictions about flying cars and robot butlers.. Fact: Did you know that predicting the future is like trying to guess what your cat is thinking? It's mostly a lot of guesswork and wishful thinking..