JULY 25, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: Railroad Work Regulation Changes Under Review. Impact: If Congress had just let the railroads do their thing, we might have had hoverboards by now. Instead, we're stuck with trains that still operate on rules set in the 1800s, while the railroads negotiate with Congress like it's some kind of high-stakes game of poker.. Fact: Railroads have been trying to delay regulations since the dawn of time—it's basically their version of 'I'll get back to you on that'..
• Headline: The Life and Legacy of Arthur Schuman. Impact: Arthur Schuman's mere existence might have inspired a future generation of Schumans to take up the arts, leading to a Schuman renaissance. Or not. Mostly likely not.. Fact: The name 'Arthur' has been associated with many great figures, but Schuman was not one of them—at least not yet..
• Headline: Arrests Spark Controversy Over Racial Protests. Impact: These five picketers took a stand, and in doing so, probably inspired a thousand memes about protesting the wrong way. Ah, the cycle of protest and internet humor continues!. Fact: Jail terms for protests are just a reminder that free speech comes with a side of consequences—who knew activism could be so... prison-like?.
• Headline: Community College Deanship. Impact: Prof. Selinger being named acting dean might have set off a chain reaction of 'acting' positions across academia, leading to a generation of 'acting' deans who just pretend to know what they're doing.. Fact: Being an 'acting' dean is like being a substitute teacher, except your students are other professors who definitely won't take you seriously..
• Headline: State Lifts Martinis's License As Result of Fatal Bronx Crash; Referee Rules in Hearing That Judge's Son Was Speeding, Left Accident Scene and Refused Drinking Test Old License Invalid Police Testimony Differs Reported Unconcerned. Impact: With Martinis's license revoked, who knows how many bar fights were avoided. A true hero for the sober community, if only they knew it.. Fact: Martinis may have lost his license, but at least his name is forever etched in the annals of 'What Not to Do When Driving'..
• Headline: Bases in Spain. Impact: Franco's use of bases in Spain meant the U.S. was effectively playing Monopoly—'I'll trade you some democracy for strategic locations!' Who knew geopolitics could be so transactional?. Fact: Spain's strategic value in the 20th century was like the real estate equivalent of 'location, location, location'—except with more dictators and fewer open houses..
• Headline: Opera: Mozart's 'La Clemenza di Tito'; Paul Callaway Conducts the Cantata Singers Philharmonic's Phase I Acoustics Completed. Impact: Mozart’s 'La Clemenza di Tito' being performed likely inspired a slew of future composers to just throw their hands up and say, 'Why bother?' But at least the audience got some culture!. Fact: Mozart could churn out masterpieces faster than a modern-day pop star can release a single. Talk about productivity!.
• Headline: RAYREUTH 'PARSIFAL' OPENS WAGNER FETE. Impact: Wagner’s 'Parsifal' opening at the Bayreuth Festival likely created a ripple effect of opera enthusiasts, leading to the world's most exclusive club of people who can pretend to understand classical music.. Fact: Attending a Wagner opera is like signing up for a marathon—long, exhausting, and at the end, you feel like you’ve accomplished something, but mostly you just want to sit down..
• Headline: Labor Board Orders Vote By Aspen Ski Employes. Impact: The vote by Aspen ski employees could have set off a chain reaction of labor movements across ski resorts, possibly leading to the world's first unionized ski lift. Now that would be radical!. Fact: Skiing and labor rights—what a combo! Who knew that the slopes could be a battleground for both fresh powder and fair wages?.