JUNE 27, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: Rusk Prepares for Kennedy's London Visit. Impact: Rusk's meticulous planning for Kennedy's arrival somehow led to the invention of the modern-day itinerary, which has since caused mass panic in every family vacation since. Thanks a lot, Rusk. Fact: Did you know that 'three meetings' was just code for 'let’s discuss how to avoid awkward small talk'?.
• Headline: Tass Says Kennedy's Visit Raised Tension in Berlin. Impact: Tass’s claim that Kennedy's visit raised tension in Berlin set off a diplomatic chess game that resulted in more awkward handshakes than actual agreements—thankfully, they avoided an actual game of chess. Fact: Did you know that raising tension in Berlin was the original plan for reality TV shows? They just needed better ratings.
• Headline: Books of The Times; The Avant-Garde Moves Toward the Academy End Papers. Impact: The Avant-Garde's move toward the academy somehow led to the creation of art degrees that are now used as a punchline in job interviews—'so, what can you do with a degree in abstract expressionism?'. Fact: Did you know that the term 'avant-garde' translates to 'the people who were always right on the verge of being cool'?.
• Headline: PAN AM PROPOSES $160 LONDON FARE; Plans Coast-Hawaii Rate of $100 in New Thrift Class Without Liquor or Food Submitted for Study PAN AM PROPOSES $160 LONDON FARE. Impact: Pan Am's thrift-class proposal sparked a revolution in budget airlines, paving the way for the modern-day experience of being crammed into a flying tube with no food or drink—thank you, Pan Am. Fact: Did you know that flying without food or drink is now considered a luxury experience? Welcome to the future!.
• Headline: S.I. Democrat Enters Race. Impact: T.J. Russo’s entry into the race was a pivotal moment that led to countless political ads filled with overly enthusiastic music and promises that no one remembers come election day. Fact: Did you know that every election cycle since has used the phrase 'change we can believe in' so much it’s practically a requirement?.
• Headline: Visit Seen in East on TV. Impact: The unjammed telecast of the visit allowed East Berliners to witness the West's exuberance firsthand, inadvertently kicking off a trend in remote viewing that would eventually inspire reality TV shows. Fact: Did you know that watching other people live their lives from afar is now a billion-dollar industry? Thanks, Berlin!.
• Headline: Park Cafe Would Damage 5th Ave. Area, Court Told. Impact: The Park Cafe controversy inadvertently led to zoning laws that have since complicated every new restaurant opening in urban areas—sorry, culinary visionaries, but those are the rules. Fact: Did you know that ‘damage to the area’ is just a euphemism for ‘we really don’t want to share our prime real estate with your avocado toast’?.
• Headline: U.S. Role in Trust Area Of Pacific Backed at U.N.. Impact: The U.S. role in the Trust Area of the Pacific was backed at the U.N., setting off a chain of events that would later inspire countless debates on what it means to be a 'trustworthy' nation—spoiler alert: it involves a lot of paperwork. Fact: Did you know that the U.N. meetings are less about trust and more about who can bring the best snacks? It’s all about priorities!.