JUNE 4, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: Possible Expansion of Supreme Court Justices. Impact: If the Supreme Court had added justices back then, we might have seen a government that actually listened to the people instead of just playing a never-ending game of legal chess. Who knows, maybe we would have a thriving democracy instead of a reality TV show masquerading as politics!. Fact: Did you know that adding justices is like trying to fix a leaky faucet by just adding more buckets? Spoiler: it still leaks..
• Headline: Wagner Leads NYC in Mourning for Pope. Impact: The decision to lower flags for mourning created a ripple effect of sorrow, eventually leading to the creation of an entire industry dedicated to selling 'I was there' mourning merchandise. Thanks, Mayor Wagner, for capitalizing on grief!. Fact: Fun fact: the last time flags were lowered this much, it was for a sale at a department store!.
• Headline: Tragic Air Crash in Punjab, India. Impact: This tragic air crash not only claimed lives but also led to stricter airline regulations, which of course, took a few decades, several more crashes, and an entire bureaucracy to implement. But hey, better late than never, right?. Fact: Did you know that at least 29 people can fit on a Dakota? Not that they wanted to find out this way..
• Headline: AGENCY SHOP WINS COURT'S APPROVAL; Ruled Permissible by U.S. Law, Optional in States AGENCY SHOP WINS COURT APPROVAL Provided in 1947. Impact: This decision regarding agency shops paved the way for unions to either rise like a phoenix or flop like a fish out of water, depending on which day you ask them. Who knew a court ruling could set off such a dramatic soap opera?. Fact: Did you know that 'agency shop' sounds like a cool place to hang out? Spoiler: it's just about unions and contracts..
• Headline: 6 Carry Cross From Milan To Rome to Pray for Pope. Impact: This pilgrimage might have inspired the next generation to walk long distances for ridiculous reasons, like a new fitness trend or a viral social media challenge. Watch out for the 'Carry Your Cross For Likes' challenge trending on TikTok!. Fact: Did you know these six factory workers probably took more rest breaks than actual steps? That’s some serious dedication to a cause!.
• Headline: Pope's Last Appointment. Impact: Rev de Angelis's appointment could have been the spark for a new wave of religious influence in politics that either saved the world or plunged it into more moral confusion. Thanks, Vatican, for keeping us on our toes!. Fact: Did you know that becoming a bishop is basically like being promoted to manager at a pizza place, but with way more robes and significantly fewer cheese toppings?.
• Headline: HAITIAN CONTACTS RESUMED BY U.S.; Duvalier Regime Regarded as Firmly in Power Even if Not Constitutional Marine Landing Envisaged Regime Still Held Illegal HAITIAN CONTACTS RESUMED BY U.S. Envoy's Return Unlikely Dominican Attack Held Off. Impact: Resuming contacts with Haiti's Duvalier regime likely inspired a whole generation of diplomats to believe that just because a regime is illegal doesn't mean it can't be 'friends' with the U.S. Talk about a twisted buddy system!. Fact: Did you know that diplomacy often involves a lot of pretending things are fine while simultaneously hiding behind a pile of paperwork? It's the adult version of playing hide and seek!.
• Headline: GRADUATE BUILDS RADIOTELESCOPE; Columbia Man Converts a War Surplus Searchlight. Impact: The creation of a radiotelescope from a war surplus searchlight could have led to more genius inventions, like the 'lightbulb telescope'—an invention that literally no one asked for but someone thought was a great idea!. Fact: Did you know turning war surplus into something useful is basically the ultimate recycling project? Talk about a glow-up!.