MAY 24, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: Thresher Search Efforts Intensify. Impact: The continuous search for the Thresher sparked a secret society of underwater treasure hunters who, unbeknownst to us, are still searching for lost artifacts that could rewrite history—like the ancient recipe for the perfect pizza.. Fact: The Thresher's story is so intriguing that it’s inspired more conspiracy theories than the moon landing. At this point, I expect to see a documentary on Netflix about it any day now..
• Headline: Senate Ends Silver Backing for Dollar. Impact: Ending silver backing for the dollar paved the way for future generations to hoard not silver, but Bitcoin. Thanks to this, we now have a whole new set of confused grandparents trying to explain cryptocurrencies.. Fact: If you thought the repeal of the Silver Purchase Acts was boring, just wait until you hear about the repeal of the 'Boring Act' — oh wait, that doesn't exist, because everything is boring in politics..
• Headline: State Health Aide Appointed. Impact: The appointment of Dr. Whalen as a health aide means that, somewhere down the line, a group of overzealous health officials will decide kale is the cure for everything—including a broken heart.. Fact: In the health world, they say an apple a day keeps the doctor away. But I guess if you have a doctor like Whalen, you might want to keep a few more apples handy..
• Headline: 300,000 WELCOME ASTRONAUT HOME; Coopers Fly to Texas After a Triumphal Visit Here. Impact: The triumphant return of Cooper led to a boom in astronaut fan clubs, all of whom still believe they can become astronauts by simply wearing a tinfoil hat and claiming to have visited Mars.. Fact: Astronauts are the only people who can come back from space and still somehow be more down-to-earth than many politicians. Talk about a reality check!.
• Headline: Cheered by Scouts Here. Impact: Cooper’s warm welcome by Scouts made it socially acceptable for grown men to cry at parades. Little did we know, this would lead to an entire generation of emotional adults who hug trees and talk to their plants.. Fact: Receiving a key to the city is just like a key to your own heart—except one gets you free parking, and the other might just get you a date..
• Headline: LOBBY CURB VOTED AGAIN BY SENATE; House Gets Philippine-Claim Amendment It Rejected. Impact: The Senate's decision on lobby curbs led to a world where lobbyists learned to work from the shadows, like ninjas with briefcases, shaping policy while everyone else was obliviously watching cat videos.. Fact: Lobbying is just a fancy word for 'let's make sure my wallet stays fatter than the average American's.' Such a noble profession!.
• Headline: ATOM FUEL PROJECT GETS AUTHORIZATION. Impact: The authorization of the Atom Fuel Project sparked a race not just for nuclear energy, but for the most elaborate 'mad scientist' Halloween costumes ever seen. Who knew energy could be so fashionable?. Fact: Nuclear power is like the ultimate energy drink: potent, can be explosive, and definitely not something you want to spill on your shirt during a morning meeting..