MAY 20, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: Hong Kong Government's Unusual Exorcism Ceremony. Impact: The Hong Kong government's ghost chase inadvertently opened a portal to another dimension where bureaucrats are haunted by the ghosts of paperwork past. Now, every time someone files a complaint, they get a visit from a spectral auditor.. Fact: Did you know that after the exorcism, the only thing that was truly exorcised was the government's sense of responsibility?.
• Headline: Remembering George A. Hewitt's Legacy. Impact: George A. Hewitt's passing triggered a nationwide shortage of accountants, leading to a financial crisis where people began bartering with chickens instead of cash. Surprisingly, the poultry industry thrived.. Fact: Did you know Hewitt was known for saying, 'If you can't count your blessings, at least count your receipts?'.
• Headline: Cheers for Kennedy In South Regarded As Good '64 Omen; SOUTHERN CHEERS BUOY UP KENNEDY. Impact: Kennedy's warm welcome in the South gave rise to an entirely new genre of Southern hospitality that included complimentary sweet tea and passive-aggressive comments about segregationists, which would confuse tourists for decades.. Fact: Did you know that the cheers for Kennedy were actually a distraction while people were trying to decide what to have for dinner?.
• Headline: Kennedy's Jet Sets Washington-to-Moscow Record; KENNEDY JET SETS MARK TO MOSCOW. Impact: Kennedy's jet-setting record led to a cultural shift where everyone felt compelled to travel in style, resulting in a bizarre trend of people showing up to grocery stores in tuxedos and ball gowns.. Fact: Did you know that Kennedy's jet was nicknamed 'The Air Force One-Way Ticket to Fame'?.
• Headline: LIQUOR LICENSEES CALL LAW UNJUST; Study by State Finds Many Protest Rules on Minors and Serving of Food LIQUOR LICENSEES CALL LAW UNJUST. Impact: The liquor licensees' protest sparked a new movement advocating for drinks without the hassle of food, leading to the infamous 'Liquid Lunch' phenomenon that would haunt office workers for generations.. Fact: Did you know that the study concluded that serving food with liquor was just a way to remind patrons they had to go home eventually?.
• Headline: The Taxi Shortage: Is It Real or Not?; THE TAXI DISPUTE: SHORTAGE OR NOT?. Impact: The taxi shortage ignited a series of underground cab competitions, where drivers would race to pick up the most ridiculous passengers. This inspired the next generation of reality TV shows.. Fact: Did you know that in a strange twist of fate, the phrase 'Taxi!'' became the most shouted word in the city, leading to a brief period of taxi-related yoga classes?.
• Headline: Birmingham Negroes Won't Stand Provocation, Wilkins Warns. Impact: Wilkins' warning that Birmingham Negroes wouldn't stand for provocation sparked a national conversation about civil rights that led to the invention of the 'Protest T-Shirt,' a fashion statement that would outlive its purpose.. Fact: Did you know that the ninth anniversary of the desegregation edict was celebrated with a cake decorated with tiny picket signs?.
• Headline: Oyuki Morgan, Ex-Geisha, Widow of Morgan Nephew. Impact: Oyuki Morgan's life story inspired countless films where geishas become superheroes, leading to an unusual rise in geisha-themed comic books and cosplay conventions.. Fact: Did you know Oyuki's biggest regret was never getting to star in a reality TV show called 'The Real Housewives of Geisha Lane'?.
• Headline: SCIENTISTS, 8-10, BUSY AT COLUMBIA; 16 Pupils Study Basic Laws in Experimental Class. Impact: The Columbia University experimental class led to a future where children ruled the academic world, demanding candy as a reward for every correct answer, thus creating the Great Candy Wars of 2075.. Fact: Did you know that the children in the class were also the first to discover the secret formula for making homework disappear?.