MAY 19, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: Dean Wright Retires from Baruch Business School. Impact: Mrs. Wright's retirement led to a series of events where students thought they could finally get away with breaking the rules. Spoiler: they couldn't. The school's policies remained intact, but the chaos that ensued was legendary.. Fact: Mrs. Wright is not just leaving Baruch; she's also leaving behind a legacy of students who still can't find the library..
• Headline: Budget Cuts Proposed by Councilmen. Impact: The budget cuts sparked a financial crisis that led to the rise of the world's first professional budget consultant, who eventually became a millionaire selling 'How to Avoid Budget Cuts' e-books. #Blessed.. Fact: This is the same budget that later inspired a popular meme: 'Budget cuts? Why not just cut my hopes and dreams instead?'.
• Headline: The Western Mining Rushes Unveiled. Impact: The miners striking it rich inadvertently led to a series of gold rush-inspired reality shows, which, let’s be honest, is just a more glamorous way of watching people dig in dirt.. Fact: This event made it possible for future generations to yell 'I'm rich!' while still living in their parents' basement..
• Headline: WARD AND SEARS ARE MANY THINGS; Mail-Order Field Includes Insurance, Travel, Fine Art and Rentals STORES ARE IMPORTANT 2 Big Companies Now Offer Special Foreign Fashions in Their Catalogues Big Mail-Order Houses Are Branching Out Into Diverse Fields COMPANIES OFFER VARIED SERVICES Insurance, Travel, Fine Arts, Rentals and Dry Cleaning Are Among New Lines. Impact: The diversification of mail-order companies signaled the beginning of the end for in-store shopping. Shoppers would soon be more interested in pajamas than pants.. Fact: If it weren't for this, we might still be forced to wear real pants instead of the glorious sweatpants we enjoy today..
• Headline: PRIZE TO AMERICAN TV SHOW UNPOPULAR AT MONTREUX. Impact: The lack of appreciation for American TV shows at Montreux led to the creation of countless pretentious film festivals, where no one really knows what 'art' is but everyone pretends to have an opinion.. Fact: In a bizarre twist, this event also sparked the trend of award shows no one cares about, which continues to this very day..
• Headline: Assassins Aid Patriots; Assassins. Impact: The book review of 'Assassins Aid Patriots' led to a surge in interest in historical espionage, resulting in more people trying to sneak into parties, thinking they were spies. Spoiler alert: they weren't.. Fact: The book became an unexpected bestseller among high school students looking for excuses to avoid homework..
• Headline: GAMBLING INVADES BAHAMAS; Gold Coast Undecided Whether It Will Be Curse or Blessing Subject to Review A Definite Help Now in London. Impact: The gambling debate in the Bahamas opened the floodgates for casinos everywhere, leading to the creation of the phrase 'What happens in Vegas, stays in your bank account.'. Fact: The Bahamas remains divided to this day on whether it was a blessing or a curse, but no one can deny it sure made for some entertaining vacations..
• Headline: Astronaut Trapped Water That Bounced in Capsule; COOPER TRAPPED WATER DROPLETS. Impact: Cooper's encounter with bouncing water droplets led scientists to develop a new form of entertainment called 'Water Droplet Catching,' which was popular for exactly one weekend.. Fact: This incident is often cited by parents as the reason their kids can't catch a ball—'You should have seen the astronaut!'.
• Headline: RAIL TARIFF BILL FACES REVISIONS; Measure Would Free Most Rates From I.C.C. Rule. Impact: The rail tariff bill revisions ignited a war between trucking and rail companies, leading to the first-ever 'Trucking vs. Rails' reality show, which was just as boring as it sounds.. Fact: The only thing more contentious than this bill was the argument over pineapple on pizza—both debates still rage on..
• Headline: CAIRO'S PROGRESS IS WEST-INSPIRED; City Is Adopting U.S. Ideas in 'Nonalignment' Policy. Impact: Cairo's western-inspired progress led to a global trend of cities adopting 'nonalignment' policies, which essentially became code for 'We're going to do our own thing and hope no one notices.'. Fact: Ironically, this approach inspired a new genre of music—'Nonaligned Pop'—which is just as confusing as it sounds..