MAY 8, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: White House Memo on War Coverage Exposed. Impact: This memo on war coverage became the secret blueprint for journalists to secretly hold 'war zones' parties in the comfort of their living rooms, leading to the rise of armchair generals who tweet about military strategies from their couches.. Fact: Fun fact: Some people still think 'Vietnam War' is a new Netflix series. Spoiler alert: it’s not..
• Headline: President's Hope for Birmingham's Future. Impact: The President's hope in Birmingham inspired countless motivational posters and a series of awkward family dinners where every relative pretended to care about civil rights.. Fact: Turns out, hoping for change doesn't actually change anything unless you add a hashtag..
• Headline: British Lords Reject Nigerian Deportation Appeal. Impact: By denying the Nigerian appeal, the British House of Lords inadvertently created a new trend in international law: deporting people for having a strong opinion. Who knew that would catch on?. Fact: Fun fact: 'Treason' is just a fancy word for 'not agreeing with the majority'..
• Headline: Huge A.T.&T. Issue Is Placed at 4.37%; A.T.&T. OFFERING PLACED AT 4.37%. Impact: The 4.37% A.T.&T. debenture issue led to a global fascination with numbers, giving birth to future stock market analysts who obsessively check their phones for updates while ignoring their coffee.. Fact: Did you know that 'A.T.&T.' stands for 'Always Talking & Texting'? Just kidding, it stands for American Telephone and Telegraph. But I prefer my version..
• Headline: Catholics in Missouri Divided On Protests Over School Buses; Banned by Some States. Impact: The division among Catholics over school bus protests planted the seeds for future debates on every possible topic, leading to Thanksgiving dinners that are now awkwardly filled with discussions about whether pineapple belongs on pizza.. Fact: Fun fact: Missouri is known for its rich history and strong opinions—just like a family reunion!.
• Headline: Fluoridation Loses 2 to 1 in Montclair; 43% Cast Ballots. Impact: The Montclair rejection of fluoridation ultimately led to the rise of conspiracy theorists who now believe that water is just a government plot to keep us all docile. Thanks, Montclair!. Fact: Fun fact: People still argue about fluoridation like it’s the hottest topic since sliced bread... or maybe it’s just that nobody wants to admit they don’t brush their teeth..