MAY 7, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: Faulkner Wins Pulitzer for 'The Reivers'. Impact: Faulkner's win inspired a generation of writers, leading to an underground literary society where members communicate exclusively through obscure metaphors and Southern drawls, resulting in a worldwide shortage of clarity in fiction.. Fact: Did you know that Faulkner's writing was so complex that readers often needed a PhD just to understand the first sentence? No wonder he won a Pulitzer!.
• Headline: Tragedy on Vancouver-Edmonton Flight. Impact: The turbulence of this flight inadvertently inspired the invention of the modern seatbelt, which later became a fashion statement for hipsters who love to 'buckle up' in style on their vintage motorcycles.. Fact: Did you know that turbulence is just the plane's way of reminding you that gravity is still a thing? Welcome to flying!.
• Headline: SOVIET NOW FREER IN ACCESS TO DATA; American's Study of War Archives Called Big Gain. Impact: The newfound freedom of data access led to a massive increase in conspiracy theories, with the most popular being the one about how pigeons are actually government drones collecting data.. Fact: Did you know that data access is like a buffet? Everyone thinks they can handle it, but we all end up overindulging and regretting it later..
• Headline: Polish Primate Off to Rome. Impact: Cardinal Wyszynski's trip to Rome inadvertently sparked a European trend of spontaneous pilgrimage vacations, which eventually led to the rise of Instagram influencers posing with religious icons.. Fact: Did you know that traveling to Rome for religious meetings is basically the original version of a 'spiritual retreat'? Just with less yoga and more incense..
• Headline: JERSEY ASSEMBLY VOTES TAX RISES; Liquor and Utility Imposts Would Go Up $34 Million Plan Goes to Senate Offered by Hughes Votes All Differ JERSEY ASSEMBLY BACKS TAX RISES $2 Million From Tracks. Impact: The tax rises in Jersey prompted an underground economy of 'Jersey Shore' themed parties where participants tried to out-fun each other while secretly avoiding taxes, leading to the invention of the 'tax dodge dance'.. Fact: Did you know that tax rises often lead to the invention of creative excuses? Like 'I swear I thought that was all-inclusive!'.