APRIL 30, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: U.N. Team Rapidly Deployed to Yemen. Impact: Thant's decision to send observers to Yemen began a trend of the U.N. sending teams everywhere. If there's a minor dispute in the world, you can bet there's a U.N. team somewhere watching it unfold like a really boring soap opera.. Fact: Did you know that 'Thant' is actually a synonym for 'let's send some people and hope for the best'?.
• Headline: Steel Output Rises 13th Week in Row; STEEL PRODUCTION CONTINUES CLIMB. Impact: Steel output rising for 13 weeks straight turned the industry into the 'Little Engine That Could.' This momentum led to an obsession with steel, making it the go-to material for everything from buildings to bad hairdos.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing rising faster than steel production is the number of memes about how strong steel is? It's like the muscle of materials!.
• Headline: Critic at Large; Washington Had Envisioned a National University, but Endowment Failed. Impact: The failed endowment for a national university created a ripple effect where people thought they could just wish for educational institutions into existence. Now, we have more online universities than actual students.. Fact: Did you know that dreaming is free? Too bad it doesn’t come with a tuition waiver!.
• Headline: City Says Clerk Manipulated Machine to Give Friends Jobs; CLERK IS ACCUSED OF CHANGING DATA. Impact: The clerk's manipulation of job data sparked a decade-long debate on ethics in hiring, making every job interview feel like a game of 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?' except nobody wins.. Fact: Did you know that 'manipulating data' is just corporate speak for 'I have friends in high places'? Sounds like a sitcom waiting to happen!.
• Headline: Study Says Schools Can Save 6 Million; SCHOOLS ADVISED TO SAVE 6 MILLION. Impact: The study on school savings led to a wave of budget cuts that made every school look like it was on a strict diet. Now, every school is one pencil away from a financial crisis.. Fact: Did you know that schools can save money by firing the janitor and just letting students throw their trash around? Efficiency!.
• Headline: NEW JETS SHOWN AT FETE IN ISRAEL; Air, Land and Sea Displays Mark Nation's 15th Year. Impact: The display of new jets at Israel's 15th birthday turned military parades into the Olympics of aerial shows. Now every nation feels the need to outdo each other with bigger and louder displays.. Fact: Did you know that air shows are just an excuse for military jets to show off? It’s like a peacock, but with bombs!.
• Headline: A Second Telstar Will Go Up May 7; SECOND TELSTAR IS GOING UP MAY 7. Impact: The launch of a second Telstar sparked a satellite race that led to more satellites in orbit than there are people on Earth. Now, aliens are probably looking at us like, 'What are these Earthlings doing?'.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more inflated than the number of satellites is the egos of the people launching them? To infinity and beyond!.