APRIL 27, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: New Hydroelec Plant Proposal in Indiana. Impact: If this hydroelectric plant hadn't been proposed, the town might have turned to using windmills, leading to a bizarre renaissance of medieval farming techniques in the 21st century. Imagine horse-drawn carriages on the freeway!. Fact: Hydroelectric power is basically just water doing the heavy lifting... because it clearly doesn’t have enough to do already.
• Headline: Recent Religious Books. Impact: The publishing of new religious books likely sparked a chain reaction of book clubs, leading to the modern phenomenon of people arguing about spirituality over overpriced lattes. Fact: Nothing brings people together like arguing over who has the right interpretation of a 2,000-year-old text!.
• Headline: New Deal on an Old Golf Course; First New Links in City Since 1935 to Open Today Ex-North Hills Club in Queens Slated for Public Use. Impact: The opening of new golf links might have inadvertently led to the rise of dad jokes at barbecue parties, as everyone suddenly had a fresh excuse to share their worst puns. Fact: Golf: the sport where you can hit a tiny ball with a stick for hours and still have no idea what you’re doing.
• Headline: 2,000 G.O.P. WOMEN HAIL GOLDWATER; Senator Attacks Kennedy on Wide Range of Issues Goldwater Posters Everywhere More Specifics Goldwater Supported. Impact: Goldwater's campaign ignited a passion for political activism, which would eventually lead to the creation of 'The Political Meme'—the most powerful form of persuasion in the 21st century. Fact: If Goldwater had known the future, he might have invested in meme stocks instead of running for office.
• Headline: Austria Begins Fair Pavilion. Impact: The construction of the Austrian pavilion marked the beginning of a series of international fairs that would eventually lead to global competition in the 'Most Impressive Pavilion' category. Spoiler: there are no awards. Fact: Austria: the country that decided if they couldn't win the war, they'd win at being fancy at fairs instead.
• Headline: Balloon Completes Test. Impact: The successful balloon test might have catapulted humanity into a new era of aerial exploration, or just resulted in really expensive party decorations. Fact: Flying balloons: proving that sometimes, the sky really is the limit... unless it pops first.
• Headline: O'HARA'S FAST LEG WINS FOR LOYOLA; 4:02.1 Mile Decides Drake Distance Medley Relay TRACK EVENTS RELAY EVENTS FIELD EVENTS. Impact: O'Hara's speedy performance not only brought glory to Loyola but probably inspired a series of overly competitive school track teams that took their rivalry way too seriously. Fact: Track events: where the only thing faster than the runners is the rumor mill about who is dating whom.
• Headline: ROCKEFELLER SIGNS BILL FOR 3 STATES TO PLAN TRANSIT; Action by Connecticut and Jersey Is Needed Before Agency Is Organized EMPLOYER TAX REVISED Governor Backs Reduction in Levies for Concerns With Stable Payrolls Land Sales Protected ROCKEFELLER SIGNS TRANSIT UNIT BILL Reduces Some Taxes. Impact: Rockefeller's signing of the transit bill may have accidentally set off a chain reaction of public transport improvements, leading to the eventual rise of the hipster bus routes that we know and love—or loathe. Fact: Transit units: because nothing says 'I love my city' like spending two hours in traffic just to save a few bucks on gas.