APRIL 14, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: Dance Abundance: Premiere of Timeless Classics. Impact: This seemingly innocent dance premiere led to an underground world of dance-offs across time. A future version of Shakespeare's ghost judges a twerking contest in 2087 because of this event. You're welcome.. Fact: Did you know that the first dance battle ever was actually between two cavemen over a particularly juicy mammoth steak? True story..
• Headline: CUTS FOR EDUCATION STIR OREGON DISPUTE. Impact: The education cuts led to a secret society of Oregon students who vowed to learn by candlelight. This eventually resulted in the invention of the hipster glasses trend that plagues us to this day.. Fact: Oregon is home to the world's largest educational protest sign. It was made by students who were tired of being told they needed to 'get a real job.'.
• Headline: 3.3 MILLION CROSS ATLANTIC IN YEAR; 75.5% of Passengers Fly --Ship Traffic Rises. Impact: The rise in flight traffic led to the eventual creation of the 'frequent flyer' who insists on being treated like royalty. Spoiler: they still have to take off their shoes at security.. Fact: Did you know that the average person spends about 3 years of their life waiting in airport lines? So much for the 'fast' in fast travel..
• Headline: UNITY OF THE ALLIES IS IMPROVED BUT PROBLEMS REMAIN; PROBLEMS France's Attitude Major Hurdle OUTLOOK Stronger Alliance Seen Possible. Impact: This event led to the formation of the 'Alliance of Grumpy Allies' that meets annually to complain about each other’s culinary choices. It’s a bonding experience, really.. Fact: Did you know that the French were once so frustrated with their allies that they considered swapping the Eiffel Tower for a giant baguette? True diplomatic tension..
• Headline: NEW PLANE FARES ARE BEING TESTED; Many Varieties Bear Hopes of Luring Passengers. Impact: This fare testing ultimately led to the concept of 'budget airlines,' which allowed millions to experience the thrill of flying in a sardine can while contemplating their life choices.. Fact: Fun fact: Budget airlines once considered serving snacks made of air as a cost-saving measure. They’re still working on the logistics..
• Headline: BEN BELLA FACES HEAVY ODDS IN SHAPING A VIABLE ALGERIA; Shooting of Foreign Minister Points Up the Difficulties in the Revolution's Current Goal of 'Turning Slogans into Realities'. Impact: The challenges Ben Bella faced contributed to a long history of political upheaval in Algeria, shaping its future into a complex tapestry of resilience and struggle—a reminder of the cost of freedom.. Fact: Did you know that revolutions often lead to unexpected outcomes? Just look at history; it’s like a game of political Jenga gone horribly wrong..
• Headline: A.E.C. Awards Contract. Impact: This contract signing unexpectedly initiated the trend of bureaucratic red tape that would later ensnare countless innocent projects. Future generations would refer to this as 'The Great Paper Jam.'. Fact: Did you know that the A.E.C. once considered awarding contracts based on who could create the best paper airplane? Spoiler: it never made it past the proposal stage..
• Headline: A WORLD OF ART LINES CITY'S SKY; Tops of Tall, Old Buildings Are Exotically Decorated A WORLD OF ART LINES CITY'S SKY A Polite Brushoff Celestial Pointer Recalled. Impact: The decorative rooftops led to an explosion of urban art trends, eventually resulting in the 'Sky Mural Movement' where artists compete to paint the clouds. Future generations question if this was really a good idea.. Fact: Did you know that the world's first rooftop garden was actually a failed attempt to grow tomatoes on a skyscraper? Nature can be so uncooperative..