MARCH 1, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: FPC Comr Morgan Faces Republican Backlash. Impact: This fiery exchange led to a dramatic increase in the popularity of conspiracy theories about government bodies everywhere. Imagine a world where people started believing that the F.P.C. was really a front for a society of time travelers. Thanks, Morgan!. Fact: Did you know that every time someone yells 'McCarthyism,' a historian somewhere gets a slight headache? It's the gift that keeps on giving!.
• Headline: New Leadership at Commercial Solvents Corporation. Impact: This minor corporate shuffle inadvertently led to a surge in people deciding to ‘direct’ their own lives, resulting in an explosion of self-help books and podcasts. Thanks, E.T. Weiler, for inspiring a generation of motivational speakers!. Fact: Fun fact: the term 'director' originally referred to someone who directed traffic... but now it just means someone who probably gets paid too much to sit in meetings..
• Headline: U.S. Accepts Foreign Offers Of 273,654 More Tons of Sugar; President Is Blamed. Impact: This sugar acceptance led to a nationwide sugar rush that caused a spike in coffee consumption and a subsequent boom in local donut shops. Thanks for the carbs, Mr. President!. Fact: Did you know that sugar was once considered so valuable it was used as currency? So, next time you reach for that donut, remember you're holding a piece of history!.
• Headline: Critic at Large; Ingmar Bergman's Post at Royal Theatre Promises Brilliant Productions He'll Work Actively Brilliant Production. Impact: Bergman's artistic approach inspired countless filmmakers to take themselves way too seriously, leading to an era where everyone thought black and white films were the epitome of sophistication. Spoiler alert: they weren't.. Fact: Did you know that Ingmar Bergman has been credited with making people ponder their existence? Yet somehow, they still forgot to return their video rentals!.
• Headline: Moon Rocket Engine Develops Serious Combustion Difficulties; Chief of Project Apollo Tells Congress of Problems-- Early Solution Vital DEFECT DEVELOPS IN LUNAR ROCKET Experts Working on Problem New Injector Tested. Impact: This engine trouble delayed mankind's lunar dreams and inadvertently led to an increase in backyard rocket experiments. Many of these 'innovators' are still recovering from singed eyebrows.. Fact: Did you know that the first moon landing almost didn't happen because of a computer error? Talk about needing an IT department in space!.
• Headline: 7 in NATO Back U.S. Plan For Allied Polaris Fleet; Cost Considered by U.S. U.S. WINS BACKING FOR POLARIS UNIT U.S. Asks No Privileges Conventional War Question Economic Argument. Impact: This NATO agreement solidified an arms race that continues to this day, leading to an increase in military-themed video games. Thank you for the multiplayer chaos, NATO!. Fact: Did you know that NATO isn't just a military alliance? It's also a great place for awkward international dinners where no one knows what to talk about!.
• Headline: SAIGON REPORTED AVOIDING CLASHES; U.S. Advisers Find Tendency to Let Reds Escape VIETNAM ACCUSED OF AVOIDING WAR Stalemate in the Delta Targets With No Enemies 13 Guerrillas Killed. Impact: This cautious strategy inadvertently led to decades of complex political discussions about engagement and avoidance, resulting in enough diplomatic jargon to fill a library. The war of words continued long after the bullets stopped.. Fact: Did you know that the Vietnam War produced more memes than actual battles? The internet was just waiting to be born!.
• Headline: Advertising: And Now 'Soft Whisky'; Executive Promotion Accounts Shift New Encyclopedia Accounts People. Impact: The introduction of soft whisky led to a new era of mixology, resulting in a trend where everyone suddenly thought they were a bartender. Spoiler: they weren't. Cheers to that!. Fact: Did you know that soft whisky is just a fancy way of saying 'let's not get too tipsy'? If only life came with a 'soft life' option!.