JANUARY 26, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: Boeing Strike Halted by Court Order. Impact: This 10-day deferral led to a series of negotiations that eventually caused Boeing to invent a time machine in an attempt to avoid future strikes. They succeeded, but only managed to travel back to 1975, where they caused the disco era. Thanks, Boeing.. Fact: Did you know that in an alternate timeline, the Boeing strike led to the invention of a flying toaster? Yeah, that one never made it to production..
• Headline: Senators Warn of Cuban Arms Build-Up. Impact: This heightened tension led to an increase in mustaches among politicians, which later became a fashion statement in the 80s. If only they knew that the only real arms race was in facial hair.. Fact: Fun fact: the only thing getting built in Cuba faster than Soviet weapons was the paranoia of American senators. It's a hard life when you have to keep an eye on your neighbor's yard..
• Headline: U.S. Fund Misuse Scandal Exposed. Impact: This scandal set off a chain reaction of similar events that ultimately led to a national pastime of public funding misuse, which is now celebrated every year with 'Misuse Awareness Day'.. Fact: Did you know that admitting moral fault is the first step to becoming the poster child for 'How Not to Handle Federal Funds'? It's a lucrative market..
• Headline: Dallas to Get New Plant. Impact: The new plant was so successful that it caused a population boom in Dallas, leading to the eventual creation of the 'Dallas Cowboys'—not that anyone asked for that.. Fact: Did you know that if you say 'Dallas' three times in a row, a new plant magically appears? Just kidding, but wouldn't that be fun?.
• Headline: Anaconda Buys Division Of Howe Sound Company. Impact: This acquisition led to a series of corporate mergers that ultimately resulted in Anaconda owning the rights to all things 'sound', including your neighbor's awful music choices.. Fact: Did you know that Anaconda's environmental policy is just a euphemism for 'We will buy your silence'?.
• Headline: Plumbing Supplier Raises Fixture Prices 5 to 11%. Impact: This price hike caused a nationwide panic over bathroom renovations, leading to a surge in DIY plumbing disasters. The world is still recovering.. Fact: Did you know that every time fixture prices go up, somewhere a plumber gets their wings? Or at least a new set of tools..
• Headline: MIG Plant Project For India Revived; Soviet Union Revives Plan For a MIG Factory in India A Balancing Factor. Impact: The revival of this project created a ripple effect that resulted in India becoming the world's top supplier of paper airplanes, thereby changing the aviation industry forever.. Fact: Did you know that paper airplanes are considered the original stealth aircraft? They can fly under the radar—literally..
• Headline: DOCKERS ORDERED TO RETURN TODAY; Union Calls an End to Strike of 34 Days--Local Issues Still to Be Negotiated Local Issues Not Settled. Impact: The end of this strike inspired dock workers across the globe to form a union of unions, which eventually led to the creation of a universal symbol of solidarity: the coffee mug.. Fact: Did you know that every coffee mug has a secret life? They hold more dreams than coffee, especially during long strike negotiations..