JANUARY 13, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: Senators Question Rusk on Cuba Policy. Impact: What if the senators had just asked Rusk about the weather instead? The Cuban Missile Crisis might have turned into a tropical vacation. Instead, here we are, decades later, still discussing how to avoid turning our vacations into Cold War confrontations. Fact: Did you know that 'Cuba' and 'Cushion' were almost synonymous in American politics? Ransom for Cuba could have been the original name for a popular board game!.
• Headline: African Support for U.N. Efforts in Congo. Impact: This supportive gesture from 31 African nations led to the formation of a united front that shaped the future of African unity. Who knew that a simple thumbs-up could have turned into the foundation for decades of international policy?. Fact: 31 countries backing the UN sounds impressive until you realize they still can’t agree on where to go for lunch.
• Headline: Congo's Tensions Over Tshombe's Leadership. Impact: Adoula's threat to jail Tshombe could have changed the entire political landscape of the Congo. Imagine a world where the Congo was run by a group of street performers instead—way more entertaining!. Fact: Tshombe's name has ‘tomb’ in it, which is ironic since he was so good at digging political graves.
• Headline: JOE H. EAGLE DEAD; EX-CONGRESSMAN, 92. Impact: Joe H. Eagle's passing could have created a void in Congress that was eventually filled by someone who tweets instead of speaks. Thanks, Joe!. Fact: At 92, Joe H. Eagle could have given motivational speeches on how to survive in politics. Turns out, a long life in politics is just a matter of luck and avoiding small planes.
• Headline: I.L.A. Rejects Red Cross Plea To Load Wheat for Algerians. Impact: The I.L.A.'s rejection of the Red Cross plea might have resulted in a global wheat shortage, leading to a rise in creative bread recipes. Who knew bread could drive international diplomacy?. Fact: The Red Cross might need to consider a bake sale next time they ask for donations. People love cookies more than they love conflict!.
• Headline: F.T.C. TO PERMIT INQUIRY COUNSEL; Old Rule Is Modified for Fairness to Individuals Subpoenaed to Testify Answer, to a Challenge F.T.C TO PERMIT INQUIRY COUNSEL. Impact: The FTC's rule change could have sparked a revolution in legal representation, allowing lawyers to cry on behalf of their clients—thus changing courtroom drama forever. Next stop: ‘Law and Order: Subpoena Unit’!. Fact: In a world where lawyers can talk for you, good luck getting a word in edgewise at dinner parties!.
• Headline: Advertising: Fallacy in Positioning; Children's Fashions. Impact: This advertising revelation led to a new era where brands had to work harder to catch attention. Now we have ads that follow us everywhere—clearly, they took that survey way too seriously. Fact: The only thing more annoying than ads is the realization that they are probably more well-informed than you are!.
• Headline: Dow Drukker, Publisher, Dies. Impact: Drukker's passing marked the end of an era in publishing, leading to a world dominated by digital content. Thank you, Dow, for paving the way for influencers who think books are just props. Fact: Dow Drukker was so influential that his name could have been a brand of paper—'Drukker Paper: For All Your Publishing Needs!'.
• Headline: Sidelights; 2 Packers Gain in 2 Ways Size of Boeing Contract Viscose Deal Discussed Silver Highest Since '20 Help for Italy. Impact: The rise of Boeing contracts led to a boom in air travel and a subsequent increase in airport security measures. Thanks a lot, Boeing; now we have to take our shoes off!. Fact: Viscose deals sound fancy until you realize it's just a fabric that can't even decide if it wants to be cotton or polyester.
• Headline: Mississippi Suspends Student, Curbs Anti-Meredith Protests; Student Is Suspended by Mississippi U. Troop Removal Protested. Impact: This protest led to increased scrutiny of university policies, ultimately resulting in the modern college experience being more about activism than academics. Way to go, Mississippi!. Fact: Suspending a student for protesting is like punishing a cat for meowing. It’s just what they do!.