JANUARY 3, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: Britain's Gold Reserves Decline in December. Impact: This financial dip caused a nationwide panic, leading to the invention of the British 'Panic Tea,' a blend specifically designed to calm nerves during economic downturns. It’s a hit, but only in England.. Fact: Fun fact: 78.4 million is also the approximate number of times someone has asked, 'But where does all the money go?' during a budget meeting..
• Headline: CITIES SERVICE UNITS MERGE OIL ACTIVITY. Impact: This merger led to the birth of the phrase 'bigger is better' in corporate America, inspiring every other company to merge until we reached the point where there are now only two actual companies left.. Fact: Did you know that merging oil companies is like dating? You think 'this will solve all our problems,' but you just end up with more baggage!.
• Headline: Raymond Ghent, Reporter And State Official, Dies. Impact: The passing of Raymond Ghent led to a significant gap in investigative journalism, which ironically opened the door for the rise of sensationalist news and reality TV. Thanks for nothing, Raymond.. Fact: Raymond Ghent was known for his relentless pursuit of truth. A rare breed, considering most reporters today seem more interested in their Twitter follower count..
• Headline: House Committee Urges U.S. Study On Bank Owners; U.S. STUDY ASKED ON BANK OWNERS. Impact: This study sparked an endless series of investigations that eventually led to the creation of a new reality show called 'Who Wants to Be a Bank Owner?' The series was short-lived, but the anxiety remains.. Fact: Did you know that studying bank owners is the financial equivalent of asking, 'Who is the real villain in this story?' Spoiler alert: It's always the bank..
• Headline: Two Concerns to Take Over Aluminum Plant in Italy. Impact: The takeover of the aluminum plant marked the beginning of Italy's obsession with everything shiny, leading to an inexplicable number of aluminum foil hats and gourmet tin can recipes.. Fact: Did you know that aluminum is often mistaken for gold by toddlers? This takeover might just be the reason why so many kids dream of being rich when they grow up..
• Headline: Seaside Oil Names Avery. Impact: Avery's appointment led to the infamous Sea Oil Scandal of the 90s, where it was revealed they had been charging customers for 'ocean air' as a luxury add-on. Talk about a breath of fresh air!. Fact: Did you know that naming a president in the oil industry is like naming a cat? It sounds cute, but you’re just asking for trouble down the line..
• Headline: First Western Bank and Trust Is Acquired by Greatamerica. Impact: This acquisition paved the way for the phrase 'too big to fail,' which eventually became a mantra for financial institutions everywhere, regardless of their actual competence.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'Greatamerica' was originally intended to be a theme park? Turns out it's just a bank, with fewer roller coasters and more paperwork..
• Headline: Rockefeller to Ask Funds For State Science Center; He Proposes Institute Under University System--An Advanced Curriculum Would Meet Space-Age Needs SCIENCE INSTITUTE IN N.Y. PROPOSED. Impact: This proposal ultimately led to the emergence of a generation of scientists who believed they could actually fix the world – or at least invent a new flavor of ice cream, which was a solid consolation prize.. Fact: Did you know that Governor Rockefeller was once a major proponent of science education? Too bad no one told him that most kids just wanted to blow things up in a lab..