JANUARY 2, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tax Dispute from 1962 Fight Resolution. Impact: When the U.S. decided to hold back that $207,000 from Liston, it created a ripple effect that led to the invention of a new sport: Tax Boxing. Contestants now not only fight in the ring but also battle the taxman, proving that money is the real heavyweight champion. Fact: This tax dispute was so intense that it could have been a documentary, featuring dramatic reenactments of IRS agents in slow motion.
• Headline: AAU Arbitration Hint in NCAA Conflict. Impact: If Gen. MacArthur had become the arbitrator, we might have seen an entirely new genre of sports diplomacy emerge, with armies only battling over who gets the last slice of pizza at the NCAA meetings. Fact: The AAU's indecision could have been solved if they had just flipped a coin. But, you know, that would be too easy for a governing body.
• Headline: American Basketball League Failuer Makes 100 Pro Players Free Agents; N.B.A. EYES STARS FROM RIVAL LOOP But Kansas City Clubownei Considers Bid to Revive the American League King Drafted by Zephyrs Krueger Gives Plans. Impact: The collapse of the ABL turned 100 players into free agents, sparking a wild trend where players started holding 'auditions' for their next teams, complete with dramatic monologues and interpretive dance. Fact: The ABL's failure was so shocking that even the players' pets were left in the dark about their next moves.
• Headline: Kennedy Finds Prospects For Peace Better in 1963; Sees the Communists' Appeal Dimmed in Neutral Eyes by Cuban Setback but Warns of New Pressures BREATHING SPELL SEEN BY KENNEDY Disaster War Prevented Several Problems Remain. Impact: Kennedy's peace prospects may have dimmed Communist enthusiasm, but it also led to the creation of the 'Crisis Management' department in many organizations, which still mismanages everything to this day. Fact: Kennedy's warnings about new pressures are still relevant today, especially when you try to park in a busy city.
• Headline: Senator Robert S. Kerr Is Dead; Wealthy Oklahoma Oil Man, 66; Backed Most Administration Measures, but Led Fight on Aged-Care Bill Senator Robert S. Kerr Is Dead; Wealthy Oklahoma Oil Man, 66 An Outstanding Speaker Lied to Join Army Emerged As A Power. Impact: Senator Kerr's passing left a void that led to the rise of 'influencer senators' who now focus more on Instagram followers than constituents. You could say his legacy is still 'influencing' us today. Fact: Kerr was known as a great speaker; if only he could speak to the current political climate, he might have joined a comedy club instead.
• Headline: RESEARCH AIDED IN NEW TAX PLAN; Treasury Seeks to Set Up Incentive for Industry-- Kennedy Approval Seen RESEARCH AIDED IN NEW TAX PLAN. Impact: Kennedy's proposed tax plan was so revolutionary that it actually inspired the term 'expensing,' which would later confuse countless accountants for decades to come. Fact: This tax plan was a precursor to the famous tax loophole dance – a dance that many still try to master today, often resulting in a lot of confusion and head shaking.
• Headline: Gold Prices Dip to $35.06 Low After Speculation in Cuba Crisis. Impact: When gold prices dipped due to speculation, it triggered a global race for alternative investments, including Beanie Babies and pet rocks, forever changing the landscape of 'valuable' collectibles. Fact: This dip in gold prices was so significant that it made jewelry store owners consider switching professions to stand-up comedy.
• Headline: U.A.R. 9.2 Million Installment Completes Payment for Suez; Period Is Shortened. Impact: The U.A.R.'s final payment for the Suez created an energy shift in global politics, leading to awkward family dinners where one uncle would always bring up the 'good old days' before nationalization. Fact: They say money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy a canal, and that’s basically the same thing, right?.