JANUARY 1, 1963

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tax Dispute Over Historic Boxing Match. Impact: This tax dispute over a boxing match led to the creation of the first ever 'Tax Evasion Fight Club', where the only rule is you definitely don't talk about it. A butterfly flaps its wings and suddenly, tax evasion is the new extreme sport. Fact: Did you know that the IRS once tried to tax the air you breathe? Just kidding... or am I?.
• Headline: AAU's Arbitration Hint in NCAA Dispute. Impact: The NCAA's indecisiveness here paved the way for future generations of sports fans to argue endlessly about the legitimacy of amateurism, leading to the creation of thousands of bar arguments and Twitter threads. Fact: Fun fact: General MacArthur was more famous for his military strategy than his arbitration skills. But hey, when in doubt, just throw a general at it!.
• Headline: American Basketball League Failuer Makes 100 Pro Players Free Agents; N.B.A. EYES STARS FROM RIVAL LOOP But Kansas City Clubownei Considers Bid to Revive the American League King Drafted by Zephyrs Krueger Gives Plans. Impact: The collapse of the ABL turned every professional basketball player into a free agent, leading to the rise of the 'Super Team' phenomenon, where athletes team up to form all-star squads and ruin competitive balance for decades. Fact: Did you know that if you say 'ABL' three times in front of a mirror, a disgruntled basketball player will appear to argue about their stats?.
• Headline: Kennedy Finds Prospects For Peace Better in 1963; Sees the Communists' Appeal Dimmed in Neutral Eyes by Cuban Setback but Warns of New Pressures BREATHING SPELL SEEN BY KENNEDY Disaster War Prevented Several Problems Remain. Impact: Kennedy's belief in improved peace prospects led to a series of diplomatic events that would eventually make him a historical figure, inspiring future leaders to be more optimistic—right before they crashed and burned. Fact: Did you know that optimism in politics is like a unicorn? Everyone talks about it, but nobody's really seen it in action.
• Headline: Senator Robert S. Kerr Is Dead; Wealthy Oklahoma Oil Man, 66; Backed Most Administration Measures, but Led Fight on Aged-Care Bill Senator Robert S. Kerr Is Dead; Wealthy Oklahoma Oil Man, 66 An Outstanding Speaker Lied to Join Army Emerged As A Power. Impact: Senator Kerr's death left a power vacuum that led to the rise of a new generation of politicians who would eventually forget how to care about the elderly, marking the start of an era of 'Who’s that again?' in political history. Fact: Kerr's speaking ability was so captivating, people often forgot what he was actually talking about—much like most political speeches today.
• Headline: RESEARCH AIDED IN NEW TAX PLAN; Treasury Seeks to Set Up Incentive for Industry-- Kennedy Approval Seen RESEARCH AIDED IN NEW TAX PLAN. Impact: Kennedy's tax plan proposal inspired countless accountants to dream big, leading to the creation of 'Tax Day Eve' celebrations, where everyone dressed up as their favorite deductions. Fact: Fun fact: 'Expensing' sounds a lot more fun than it is. It's just a fancy way of saying, 'Let's pretend we didn't spend that much.'.
• Headline: Gold Prices Dip to $35.06 Low After Speculation in Cuba Crisis. Impact: The dip in gold prices sent shockwaves through the global economy, leading to a frantic gold rush that inspired the phrase 'buy low, panic later'. Fact: Gold prices are like a rollercoaster: thrilling for some, terrifying for others, and always ends with someone getting sick.
• Headline: U.A.R. 9.2 Million Installment Completes Payment for Suez; Period Is Shortened. Impact: The U.A.R.'s final payment for the Suez Canal ended a long-standing financial drama that inspired future nations to consider the merits of simply owning their own stuff instead of borrowing. Fact: Did you know that owning a canal is much like owning a pet goldfish? It seems fun until you realize you have to clean it regularly!.